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Tinyarch wrestled a guy who was famous for getting his opponent into such a knot it was inescapable. Tiny got out of it with one drastic move, he pinned the guy and won. When asked how? Tiny said, "It's amazing what a guy can do when he bites himself in the balls!"
 

stocker08 said:
In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is
unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked,
'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to
declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
Click to expand...

I really like that one. Seems I should have heard that one before. My father's priest friends will like this. I know Archbishop Roach would have!
 

Unregistered User said:
I really like that one. Seems I should have heard that one before. My father's priest friends will like this. I know Archbishop Roach would have!
Click to expand...


Three priests wanted to fly from Mpls to Pittsburg. The ticket clerk was a gorgeous speciman.


First priest said "I want three pickets to titsbirgh". He walked away embarrassed..

So second priest intervened. He carefully said,: "I want 3 tickets to Pittsburg, and I want my change in nipples and dimes." He walked away embarrassed.

3rd priest took over. He said, "Lsiten young lady, if you continue to flaunt your enriched gifts, Saint Finger will point his peter at you and say....uh, um, never mind."
"
 

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses. The results were very interesting:

10% of women think their ass is too skinny.

30% of women think their ass is too fat.

60% of women say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
 

Ya, a woman told her husband she went to a nutionist to try lose weight.

Husband asked, "Did he ask about your fat ass?"

Wife replied, "Your name never came up."
 


[video]http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/eec0f64fc5/between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifianakis-bruce-willis[/video]
 

zDSOglC.jpg
 





Three nuns were walking down the street, when they were approached by a flasher.

When he opened his coat to expose himself, the first nun had a stroke, right then and there.

The second nun had a stroke, too.

The third nun, she wouldn't touch it.
 


No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, in a linguistic conference held in London England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished." Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

His response was:

When you marry the right woman, you are "complete." If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished." And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are "completely finished."

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
 




GoodasGold said:
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, in a linguistic conference held in London England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished." Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

His response was:

When you marry the right woman, you are "complete." If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished." And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are "completely finished."

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
Click to expand...

I have a friend who tells me that once, when he was really stoned, he had a moment of insight where he understood the difference in meaning between "I forgot" and "I can't remember." (True story, not a joke.) But after he came down, he either forgot or can't remember the difference.
 

Bad Gopher said:
I have a friend who tells me that once, when he was really stoned, he had a moment of insight where he understood the difference in meaning between "I forgot" and "I can't remember." (True story, not a joke.) But after he came down, he either forgot or can't remember the difference.
Click to expand...

Yes, most buzz-insights are fleeting...or is it transitory? I can't recall!
 

Ole is walking up to Lena's front porch when he notices she is sitting at the top step, skirt on, legs spread wide, and no panties on, eating a piece of watermelon.

Ole asks, "Lena, what you doing like dat?"

Lena replies, "Keeps dem pesky flies off my watermelon, dem little buggers."
 


Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular
activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she insinuated Frank, a
new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked
in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank
(and several others) that everyone seeing it there Would know what he
was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned
and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing...

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house,
Walked home And left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank!)
 


First stealth fighter reaches the boneyard:



<img src="https://i.imgur.com/1vr9RYq.jpg" width="50%" height="50%">
 

Two lesbians decided to be frank with each other. One said, "I'll be Frank tonight, you be Frank tomorrow night."
 







Punch, the dog, sitting on sofa, scowling at his master, Doug. Punch said to Doug, "You son of a bitch, you said I was going to the Vet to get tutored."
 


Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They each had a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two and a half,
They didn't go up for water.
 

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