Daily Humor

[Iceland12]

Dog poetry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2-gRkQ19Sw&feature=kp

 

[GophersInIowa]

I spotted Dr. Don this morning.

<img src="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8197207296/h55929CC5/">

 

[Dr.Don]

I spotted Dr. Don this morning.

<img src="https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8197207296/h55929CC5/">

Good one GII. Actually I'm making a delivery to station19 from the Ajax Liquor Store. He's trying to build up enough courage to go to confession.

 

[GoodasGold]

Good one GII. Actually I'm making a delivery to station19 from the Ajax Liquor Store. He's trying to build up enough courage to go to confession.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
She's not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet during
their meetings.

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she shoved her lover in the
closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,"Grab Your glove. Let's go
outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that **** again...

 

[tinyarch]

Eino, and Toivo went fishing one sunny bright day and were catching fish like crazy. Eino said, "We better mark this spot so we can come back and catch more fish." Toivo then proceeded to mark the bottom of da boat with a large X. Eino asked him what he was doing, and Toivo told him he was markin' da spot so they could come back tomorrow to catch more fish. Eino said, " You big dummy, how do you know we are gunna get da same boat tomorrow?"

 

[GoodasGold]

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls from an adult novelty store. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.

 

[GoodasGold]

The doctor pokes his head into the patient's hospital room and says "we just received your lab results and unfortunately I have to tell you that you have a rather insidious and highly contagious disease". "What are you going to do about it?" the patient asks. "Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pancakes, salami and pita bread" replies doctor. "And that's going to help cure me?" asks the patient. "Probably not", replies" Doc "but it's the only food that we can fit under the door".

 

[Dr.Don]

I was walking down the street the other day. Met a gal I recognized. She looked at me and said, "Don? I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

 

[Dr.Don]

A gal survived an attack from a cub-protecting grizzly. She shot her boyfriend in the knee and the bear attacked and ate him. Her response...""I survived, I can always find a new boyfriend."

 

[Unregistered User]

Drive carefully.


<img src="https://i.imgur.com/AAGoHHJ.gif" width="75%" height="75%">

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[GophersInIowa]

 

[GopherJake]

<img src="https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t1.0-9/10345549_721882714556034_8463680847202533204_n.jpg" />

 

[Dr.Don]

Jake, how the hell did my pic get there, minus the "millionaire" reference. That is my explosive personality that won me that photo!!!

 

[stocker08]

 

[tikited]

Awesome. Checkout this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/a-complete-ranking-of-almost-every-single-mitch-hedberg-joke

 

[Unregistered User]

Bon Jovi is a horrible person:

 

[stocker08]

Awesome. Checkout this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/a-complete-ranking-of-almost-every-single-mitch-hedberg-joke

Pretty good list.

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[GopherJake]

<img src="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-06/5/15/enhanced/webdr04/enhanced-16325-1401996481-17.jpg" />

 

[stocker08]

You can thank me later.


https://screen.yahoo.com/blizzard-man-2-000000059.html

 

[stocker08]

If you've seen Denzel Washington movies.....and don't find this funny.....then you have no sense of humor.


https://screen.yahoo.com/unstoppable-trailer-000000405.html

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

NSFW

 

[Unregistered User]

 

[Unregistered User]

Grandparents of the future:

 

[stocker08]

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is
unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked,
'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to
declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'