Daily Humor

[GopherJake]

Gramma: "I think you should try that Viagra stuff."

Grampa: "But those things are spendy. $10 a pill."

Gramma: "you mean you can't afford $20 a year?"

Doc, you throw a lotta stuff up agin' the wall and I roll my eyes at most of it, but, man, this is pretty funny!! Kudos!!

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

Ummmm.......why the hell is Belickick kissing his daughter like this? Very odd.

 

[stocker08]

 

[stocker08]

 

[GoodasGold]

Call the Vet

A woman, whose dog was a female and "in heat" agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while he was on vacation.
She had a large house, and believed that she could successfully keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard some loud howling and moaning sounds and rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate. She was unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next.
Although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet replied curtly, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection, and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"I can't be sure, but it just worked on me," he replied.

 

[Deleted_User]

There are only 10 people that understand binary!

 

[GoodasGold]

There are only 10 people that understand binary!

That's two!

 

[MinneStoa]

That's two!

No, it's sixteen. Dean was using hexadecimal, just to throw you.

 

[GoodasGold]

Octal anyone?

 

[monk10]

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?



You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

 

[Dr.Don]

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?



You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

You have never really partied!!!

 

[Dr.Don]

We were so broke when I was a kid, that my mother used to cut holes in our pants pockets so we had something to play with.

 

[Dr.Don]

If you play a country music song backwards, you get your truck back, you get your house back, you get your kids back, you get your dog back, you get your wife out of your life. Screw the bitch. Let the other guy have her.

 

[Dr.Don]

Why did the chicken cross the road?









To prove to the raccoon it could be done.

 

[GopherJake]

 

[Dr.Don]

So that's how tinyarch came to meet God. Tiny is one cool dude.

 

[GoodasGold]

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

[GopherJake]

 

[GoodasGold]

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into
some money. Last night I made it with a girl named Penny.
Is that spooky or what?

 

[Dr.Don]

Ole became an excellent artist.

People came from miles around to pose so Ole could paint their portraits.

One woman came and offered Ole 50 thousand dollars to paint her in the nude.

Ole conferred with Lena and returned.

Ole said, " we have a deal, but Lena said I had to keep my sox on to cover up my hammer toe."

 

[GoodasGold]

The other night, my girlfriend asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night."

 

[GopherJake]

 

[GoodasGold]

I'm still working on this Jake. Rest assured I have not given up.

 

[stocker08]

Hmmmm......know what it looks like......but I'm trying to figure out what the actual answer would be. Bottom corner says that this episode was taped at the Venetian in Vegas. Could it have been "Luck Be In The Cards Tonight" with the "C" and the "S" photoshopped out of the picture??? Would make sense for a Vegas themed puzzle......

 

[Unregistered User]

Hmmmm......know what it looks like......but I'm trying to figure out what the actual answer would be. Bottom corner says that this episode was taped at the Venetian in Vegas. Could it have been "Luck Be In The Cards Tonight" with the "C" and the "S" photoshopped out of the picture??? Would make sense for a Vegas themed puzzle......

I'm pretty sure it was Vanna that came up with this puzzle. It says **** Me In The Ass Tonight. Either that or Luck Be In The Air Tonight. And yes, it was photoshopped.

 

[Dr.Don]

Went to pharmacy.

Told female pharmacist I needed to talk about 4 hour erection problem.

She met with her partner pharmacist who was her sister.

She came back and told me....

"All we can offer you is 1/3 of the profits, full insurance, a company car, and $3000 a month for personal expenses."

 

[GophersInIowa]

Longest dog whine ever.