1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
You're so close!!!
I’m not sure if the following rant gets me to 5 or a sign of regression but your post really got me laughing and writing nonsense is therapeutic for me. I received a call from the ticket office today (no joke) and here is what spun through my head afterwards:
I got a phone call today from the U of M fan, I mean, customer relations department. There is nothing new to report that hasn’t already been said here except that I may have had a change of heart about this renewing/dropping tickets thing. After talking with the nice manager at customer relations (seriously, he was a nice guy), I have made a 180-degree turn only instead of making my customarily right-turn 180, this time I did it to the left.
I can see now that I’ve had this all wrong. What I’m planning to do now is become business partners with Norwood and double-down on other customers being willing to replace my sorry a$$ with theirs by sitting in my seats next season. That’s right, I plan to enter the brave new world of professional ticket scalping!!! Yes, I intend on joining the ranks of these same individuals I have so wrongfully criticized here on GH in past even going so far as to eat my unused game tickets rather than sell them to these unscrupulous, I mean, hard-working capitalists. Who would have thought as little as 24-hours ago Norby and me would become business partners? Certainly not me!
Not that any of you really cares but if you did, you might be asking yourself why take such a risk? Well, if Norwood and his good friends at Aspire are convinced they will have no problem getting 50,000 butts to buy the equivalent of a 60” high-end HD TV every year, why shouldn’t I? I mean, think about it. My contact at customer relations confidently told me that my first row, second deck tickets are the most requested seats during seating upgrade time and they’d have no problem backfilling my spots. It was as if a light went on in my admittedly limited noggin and those $$$ signs started popping up and dancing around. I said, “Honey, pack your bags, we’re going to Hawaii.”
So with that bit of encouragement, I decided to saddle up with Norby and sell my tickets to the highest bidder. Of course, this is a business which means in order to maximize the bottom line, I'll need to seek butts far and wide (I mean this both literally and figuratively given this is the Midwest). As the half-dozen or so enthusiastic GH proponents of this price increase have so aptly pointed out, us Minnesotan’s are cheap
sonsabitches. Consequently, I’ll need to cast a net far and wide to fully maximize my profits. I plan to use state-of-the-art advertising resources like CL to reach out to exotic places like Madison, Lincoln, and Dallas/Fort Worth. As my newest and bestest friend Norby has taught me, damn the loyalty, customers are customers no matter where their butts come from.
I’m scared and excited but highly confident this will all work out. However, there are still a few wrinkles in my business plan I need to iron out. For one thing, I will need a name for this new enterprise of mine. Although subject to change, I might name my new little business venture:
1-Less-Brick, Ltd.
Or should it be Inc., Corp., or LLC? I’ve never really understood these things. Perhaps one of you guys from the Carlson School can explain this to me sometime. Another thing I’m not sure about is whether I should account for the value of my time when selling these tickets (again, you Carlson guys might have some suggestions)? Anyway, I’ll get it figured out in what should be a fun and hopefully very profitable enterprise.
I must admit that it will be a little depressing not being with all my fellow customers at TCF on fall Saturdays. But do know this, when I’m forgoing it at home, sitting in my barcalounger, in front of my new 60-inch HD TV, watching our beloved business product known as the Golden ones, I will be thinking of you all. Just know that while you are doing those deafening chants of “Nor-wood, Nor-wood, Nor-wood,” I will be there with you in spirit!
I know this will sadden many of you but this is going to cut into my time here on GH. But don’t worry, I will continue to check in regularly and provide you updates that you could care less about. In the meantime, wish me luck!
Let me end on this note by saying my business partner and I would like to remind you that during this blessed holiday season that you should always remember, you’re replaceable.
$KI-U-MAH and Go Gopher$
