A conflict of interest

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I wanted to see the Red Sox - Yankees playoff series a few years ago and we went home early from a date on my future wife's and my anniversary....I have not heard the end of it. If you want to subject yourself to this, go for it :)

(My wife's advise is that you are screwed if you try your plan)

Anywho, I believe that all on this board want to hear about the event and how the day goes. Keep us informed :)
 

The day of Minnesota vs. Northwestern this year (the game that started the spiral) my girlfriend had a swim meet (she swims D-1 for Youngstown State), we've been together for well over 2 years at this point and I told her no way I'm missing this game on TV, well I caved in, but being in Youngstown meant no radio coverage for me....so I made my mom call my cell from the house phone and put the phone up to the TV speakers and go without the phone for 2 plus hours :), Well anyhow, the game got real close at the end and what not and I could not take it...I ran across campus to the computer lab and loaded it up on justin.tv during the distance event thinking I would have plenty of time to make it back for her 200 back stroke, i failed and missed her setting a school record....and i'd do it again if i had to. We got engaged a few weeks ago, so she obviously got over it. :D
 

Well since your plan is simply unworkable I would explain that how important this day is to you and you've been waiting for it for some time. I would then say that you understand the same is true for her and that your ralationship is important. So you'd be willing to sacrifice part of your experience for hers. Then let her decide which part of the ceremony she'd like you to be at. This seems like a fair compromise and will tell you as others have mentioned about her ability to negotiate with your interests in mind. You'll either miss the tailgating or the game, but not both.

The better solution is, that since we're talking about an identical twin. I would sleep with the twin, make sure the future hubby knows and then claim you thought it was your girlfriend. This has great upside as you get to sleep with your future sister in law, the wedding is probably off, and you've got a decent chance to reconcile since you didn't know (wink, wink). And even if everyone patches things up you'll be able to excuse yourself from the wedding because, well it would just make everything too awkward for everyone if you were in attendance.
 

why doesn't...

the girfriend skip the wedding and go to the game with you? Sounds like a double standard.
 

Schnoodler said:
The better solution is, that since we're talking about an identical twin. I would sleep with the twin, make sure the future hubby knows and then claim you thought it was your girlfriend. This has great upside as you get to sleep with your future sister in law, the wedding is probably off, and you've got a decent chance to reconcile since you didn't know (wink, wink). And even if everyone patches things up you'll be able to excuse yourself from the wedding because, well it would just make everything too awkward for everyone if you were in attendance.
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I also laughed hysterically at this advice. The next time I have girl problems I think I'm coming to Gopher Hole for advice.
 


You GopherHolers are geniuses! I LOVE this post and have printed it off to refer to for advice if I am ever in this situation, God forbib!
 

Female Perspective

First time poster here, but I felt compelled to chime in and offer a female perspective. I can totally understand your heart ache about missing any of the festivities on September 12th. I had 2 good friends (I'm a bridesmaid in both weddings) consider that as a wedding date this year. Neither of them was thrilled when I pushed for them to avoid this date, but both understood that this is a game I have been looking forward to for a number of years.

Couple pieces of advice

1) Now that you know the date of her sister's wedding time is of the essence. You need to broach the subject and let her know that you have a prior commitment that is very important to you ASAP. If you let this go for a few weeks she will question the importance of the game if you didn't realize the date conflict right away.

2) Do not tell her you made this post

Beyond that for your sake in long term I would suggest that you stick to your plan to attend the game. Giving in on a game as big as this could cause to her expect that you will miss other big games in the future, and you really don’t want that! That being said, when you talk to her help her understand why this game is so important to you. Be open to compromise when discussing the plans for the weekend while knowing what your limits are.

I suggest skipping the tailgate. Attend the wedding and do your best to focus 100% on the wedding, her and her family while you are there. After the wedding head to the game (flask in hand) and focus 100% on the gophers. Maybe you make it to the reception late and maybe not, but make sure that both of you have the same expectations about when and where you will be that day. If you guys can work through this it can only help to take your relationship to the next level (which is what I'm assuming you want or you would be on campus all day).

Best of luck!

PS...if this relationship doesn't pan out I suggest only dating gopher fans going forward to avoid future conflicts of interest
 

Go to the wedding, skip the game all together. ( I know it is sacrilege to say this on this board, but it is just a football game....) If she is "the one", you will be able to say you skipped the opener and for the next 50 years of Gopher games, whenever potential smaller conflicts come up you'll be good to go forever. Take the bullet now, sacrifice, and compromise now, it will pay dividends the rest of your life. Of course is she is not the one, then just go to the game.

If you do try to do both, maybe you should rent a limo for the day, do the whole thing up in style.... Might not be much more than 4 cab rides...
 

Golfinggopher - I read your post about 2pm this afternoon and your dilemma has been on my mind all afternoon & evening. I hope you post the results on Sept 13, 2009. I wish I had advise for you but my family and friends are trained that Saturday's in the fall are for Gopher Football - period. Best Wishes!
 



Addicted to Gophers said:
First time poster here, but I felt compelled to chime in and offer a female perspective. I can totally understand your heart ache about missing any of the festivities on September 12th. I had 2 good friends (I'm a bridesmaid in both weddings) consider that as a wedding date this year. Neither of them was thrilled when I pushed for them to avoid this date, but both understood that this is a game I have been looking forward to for a number of years.

Couple pieces of advice

1) Now that you know the date of her sister's wedding time is of the essence. You need to broach the subject and let her know that you have a prior commitment that is very important to you ASAP. If you let this go for a few weeks she will question the importance of the game if you didn't realize the date conflict right away.

2) Do not tell her you made this post

Beyond that for your sake in long term I would suggest that you stick to your plan to attend the game. Giving in on a game as big as this could cause to her expect that you will miss other big games in the future, and you really don’t want that! That being said, when you talk to her help her understand why this game is so important to you. Be open to compromise when discussing the plans for the weekend while knowing what your limits are.

I suggest skipping the tailgate. Attend the wedding and do your best to focus 100% on the wedding, her and her family while you are there. After the wedding head to the game (flask in hand) and focus 100% on the gophers. Maybe you make it to the reception late and maybe not, but make sure that both of you have the same expectations about when and where you will be that day. If you guys can work through this it can only help to take your relationship to the next level (which is what I'm assuming you want or you would be on campus all day).

Best of luck!

PS...if this relationship doesn't pan out I suggest only dating gopher fans going forward to avoid future conflicts of interest
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Are you single??? :D
 

Hey!!!! Nobody likes my "break up and get back on the 13th" idea?????

Well.....I'm to romantic advise what Chernobyl was to nuclear power!
 

golfinggopher said:
Looking for some feedback and opinions....So, I've been dating this girl for about 6 months and things are going great. After doing some talking over the weekend about her upcoming identical twin sisters wedding, I realized this morning that the date is the same day as the opening of TCF Bank-Sept. 12

The wedding is in Plymouth and the dance somewhere in Medina....Here are my thoughts 1. Tailgate at our new spot in St. Paul from early A.M. to 2 pm--staying somewhat sober. 2. A quick change and grab a cab to get to wedding at 3. A quick change back into Gopher gear and back to TCF by 5--a quick shot or two before the game. 4. Gametime from 6:30-10 (with a full flask of Morgan on hand) 5. Quick change and back to wedding dance via cab by 10:30. Can I pull this off? After realizing the conflict about an hour ago I've been in a panic and already informed her that there is no way I'm missing the opener! Thoughts? Comments? Better plans......?????
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OK, here is a story of a friend of mine from Nebraska. Crazy big red fan and a lawyer. Decides to get married and sets a date - saturday of the Nebraska-Missouri Game. Set the wedding for 6:00 PM so he could watch the game at 11:00 am and then get married. Game gets moved last minute to 7 PM for national TV...he can't change his wedding time so he is screwed. Problem was, all his friends liked football more than Dan so we sat at a bar and watched Nebraska beat Missou on the last play of the game with a kicked ball in the endzone while this poor smuck was doing the chicken dance at the VFW.

He never forgave his wife and they divorced a year later.

Moral of the story...all relationships end badly...the good ones in death, the bad ones in divorce.

Go to the game...if you need our advice to know what to do, then you are with the wrong woman. A good woman would have asked you if you were busy that day before she let her twin sister set a date for the wedding.
 

GopherinPhilly said:
The question you need an answer too is. "Is your girl friend in the wedding?"

If she is in the wedding, you wont see her all day anyways. Getting hair done, dress, getting sis to the church, etc. If I was you, I would be tailgaiting regardless of what day it was just so I could avoid my GF on her sisters big day.

So, tailgate, hit wedding and then hit game. No reception for you but a victory romp in hotel with your drunk and happy GF should be a nice finish to the day.

Best of all, you wont have to worry about her getting all stupid and looking at you and asking when she gets a ring because your lack of attentiveness will clearly show her you aint asking anytime soon!
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I like your thinking!
 




I skipped my girlfriend's sister's wedding (no one in their family is a sports fan) to go to a home game in 2006. Occasionally it comes up that she still can't believe I went to the game and not the wedding, but I've never heard anything about it from her sister or anyone else in their family. I'm sure they thought my decision was poor, but they've never called me on it.

My sister is getting married next year. Last Christmas, she told me they were thinking of a date in September, so I asked her if she checked the football schedule. She took off running for the computer faster than I have never seen her run in my life!

I'd say skip the tailgating and head to the game after the ceremony, then try and get back for the party.
 

for the survival

of the relationship, sell your tickets to me and go to the wedding and reception. you will be a hero. tivo the game to watch in the morning and drink your balls off at the reception to dull the pain of not being there.
 

balds said:
of the relationship, sell your tickets to me and go to the wedding and reception. you will be a hero. tivo the game to watch in the morning and drink your balls off at the reception to dull the pain of not being there.
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For most games I would I agree with you. But I think I speak for most people when I say that Sept. 12 is far more about the experience than the actual game itself. You will be able to attend hundreds of Gopher games in the future...but you will never again get to attend the first game in the new stadium. That cannot be replicated by watching a replay on Sunday morning.
 

dpodoll68 said:
For most games I would I agree with you. But I think I speak for most people when I say that Sept. 12 is far more about the experience than the actual game itself. You will be able to attend hundreds of Gopher games in the future...but you will never again get to attend the first game in the new stadium. That cannot be replicated by watching a replay on Sunday morning.
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Turn up the sarcasm detector.
 


Whatever you do, don't have the toast during the game!

Last fall, I went to my cousin's wedding in Colorado. My cousin and his bride are both Buffaloes, but her family is dyed-in-the-wool Nebraska Cornhuskers. It was an evening ceremony with the reception immediately afterwards at the hotel where everyone was staying. Also, the Huskers were playing VaTech in a night game from Lincoln, so a TV in the lobby was tuned to the game.

Right in the middle of the best man's speech, there comes a sudden yell from the lobby, followed by the doors to the lobby being slammed shut. It turns out that a Husker was taking a punt back for a TD, and some of the guests were out in the lobby and were getting a little over-enthusiastic about it.

I'll take my chances on a January wedding before I get married during college football season. Course I'm also blissfully single, so I don't think I'll have to worry about that for a while.
 

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer

This thread reminds me a lot of a part of Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer: A Road Trip into the Heart of Fan Mania by Warren St. John. It is an absolute must-read for hard-core college football fans and anyone who wants to try to understand them (us!).

Among the people St. John meets and interviews is a couple who skipped their own daughter's wedding because it conflicted with a Crimson Tide game. It wasn't a national championship game and not even a bowl game--just a regular season SEC game, IIRC. What I remember most about that vignette was not the couple's or daughter's feelings about it but the interesting reactions St. John got when he told others the story. Those who were not serious college football fans were incredulous and wondered what kind of horrible parent would skip a child's wedding for a game, but those who were serious college football fans also were incredulous and wondered what kind of horrible child would insist on scheduling such a momentous occasion in a way that conflicted with something she clearly knew was so important to her parents. Although I imagine most of my family might think along the lines of the former, I tend to lean toward the latter, given that there are about 35 times as many non-game-days in a year as there are game days from which to choose.

If this were a regular game and if this girlfriend is a very possible future wife, I would suggest that golfinggopher bite the bullet and skip the game. However, as we all know, this is not a regular game--it is a Moment in History about which we will be able to tell our grandchildren--and thus the dilemma. If this girlfriend is a very possible future wife, keep in mind that the parents of the bride in this wedding are also potentially your in-laws. If it were me, I would skip tailgating entirely, be available and helpful before the wedding, attend the wedding and stay as long as you can afterward while still making it to the game in time for the pre-game ceremonies. Don't make any promises about when you'll be back after the game but also don't get drunk (plenty of other opportunities) so you can make a great impression when you do get back. As Gopher Gal suggested, make unexpected romantic plans for some time within a couple of days of the wedding specifically as a gesture to make up for your absence from the reception and other festivities. Maybe give her a Goldy or block-M pin of her own to wear at the reception. She may think you're a little nuts but it's hard to be too mad in the face of an unexpected gift. Also, I agree with the comment that it probably would be best to avoid mentioning you asked for advice on GopherHole, great as this place is. :)

Yes, please post photos and a written account of how it goes! Good luck!

-Joe
 

I will be sure to let everyone know how it turns out and I will post pictures of the wedding, my friends tailgate party (since I have taken most of your advice and decided not to tailgate :(, the game, and the afterparty! Thanks for the advice, it has been fun reading everyone else's little stories and a lot of the advice is priceless! Go Gophers!
 

Six months is not a long time. You should get to know her better before going to siblings weddings. What if you break up shortly thereafter? You'll forever be that guy in the pictures that nobody remembers. Play it safe and go to the football game. It's in her best interests.
 

Bo Darville said:
Six months is not a long time. You should get to know her better before going to siblings weddings. What if you break up shortly thereafter? You'll forever be that guy in the pictures that nobody remembers. Play it safe and go to the football game. It's in her best interests.
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Laugh out loud man....Good stuff--I kinda wanna be "that guy!"
 

jthiegs said:
This thread reminds me a lot of a part of Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer: A Road Trip into the Heart of Fan Mania by Warren St. John. It is an absolute must-read for hard-core college football fans and anyone who wants to try to understand them (us!).

Among the people St. John meets and interviews is a couple who skipped their own daughter's wedding because it conflicted with a Crimson Tide game. It wasn't a national championship game and not even a bowl game--just a regular season SEC game, IIRC. What I remember most about that vignette was not the couple's or daughter's feelings about it but the interesting reactions St. John got when he told others the story. Those who were not serious college football fans were incredulous and wondered what kind of horrible parent would skip a child's wedding for a game, but those who were serious college football fans also were incredulous and wondered what kind of horrible child would insist on scheduling such a momentous occasion in a way that conflicted with something she clearly knew was so important to her parents. Although I imagine most of my family might think along the lines of the former, I tend to lean toward the latter, given that there are about 35 times as many non-game-days in a year as there are game days from which to choose.
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I love this book and this is probably my favorite anecdote from it. The part that I liked is how proud the parents were that they managed to leave the game a few minutes early so that they could make the reception.
 

I've held out long enough

as if anyone really cared but gotta get in my $0.02.

So golfinggoldy has been with this chick for 6 months. She may be the "one." For the sake of argument golfinggoldy's first date with this gal went for a touchdown and in the course of "events" he finds out her twin sister is getting hitched in September. At this point
flagRed.gif
should have went up. Warning! Warning! Potential conflict. Danger! Danger!

Golfinggoldy should have immediately sent up a flare signal to potential wife by mentioning in not so subtle terms that the biggest combination sporting / social event in the history of the University of Minnesota was taking place the weekend of September 12, 2009 and he has plans which have been in place for awhile. At least by doing that you have laid the groundwork that you have plans and if anything should come up that it had better be worth it to break them. By not planting the seed golfinggoldy has placed the onus of guilt upon himself instead of the other way around. Now he is the one that must look good in the eyes of his gal. Had you mentioned when the opening game was TCF and how much it meant for him to partake in the social surroundings the future Mrs. golfinggoldy would be feeling extra special that her man is making a huge sacrifice to make her sister's event.

Dude, I when knew the opening game would take place on one of two weekends on May 9, 2006 and you've known this gal 6 months :eek: For posterity I really hope you marry this gal otherwise you'll miss out on a lifetime of memories. I realize, golfinggoldy, you are going to make every effort to make the game and for that I applaud you. Hope your plans, whatever they may be, work out.

The anecdote from Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer is very apropos. I too really enjoyed that book and afterwards realized I am an SEC football fan in my mind but trapped in the body of a person cheering for a downtrodden Big 10 team.
 

norman dale said:
I too really enjoyed that book and afterwards realized I am an SEC football fan in my mind but trapped in the body of a person cheering for a downtrodden Big 10 team.
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Great summary of how I felt while reading it. :)
 

Just to let everyone know, I just shared this with my girlfriend (yes I'm still with her and a little buzzed up, it's obviously Friday night :) ) She loved your responses as long as my possible future mother in law....Norman dale and Schoodler responses they especially loved! Now let's go kick Ohio State's ass tomorrow!
 

so how did your day on Sept 12th end up unfolding? Did you get to both events?

My sister got married this fall and had the good sense to ask me earlier in the year which dates did not work for me. I told her - any date but 9/12 works, although I told her I would prefer an August wedding before college football season. They got married in August.
 

Thanks for asking that, Josh087, I was wondering the same thing. We never got a report of the September 12 events.
 

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