Souhan: Gophers fans, anticipating traffic this season, leave earlier. Like September

[BleedGopher]

This is the single worst column Jim Souhan has ever written. Over/under on how long this took to write?

Souhan: Unlike Fireman Ed, Goldy Gopher sticks through tough times

The following is re-printed without permission from the personal diary of Goldy Gopher:

I just read about Fireman Ed, the self-appointed Jets mascot who quit his fake job that nobody hired him to do after taking so much grief for wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey.

I hope he enjoys that special line for unemployed mascots who weren't asked to be mascots, but he should be prepared: Every five minutes, that guy who used to bang the newspaper on the Target Center court during Wolves games is going to ask for stock tips and gum, and the San Diego Chicken will try to sell him Amway.

Fireman Ed is pathetic. If you're going to quit, everyone in Minnesota knows that you don't announce your intentions in a giveaway newspaper. You write 4,000 words on Tumblr.

What is Ed complaining about?

He cheered for a team that won a Super Bowl in 1969. In Gophers years, that's, oh, yesterday.

He wore the jersey of a quarterback who has won four playoff games. If I wanted to wear a quarterback's jersey this year, I would have needed removable numbers and a phone booth on the sideline, so I could quick-change every time we picked a new starter. By the end of the season, Coach Kill was taking the redshirt away from players he hasn't even recruited yet.

Fireman Ed wore the jersey of a guy with a cool nickname: 'San-chize.' We call our quarterback, 'Poor kid.'

The Jets' team MVP probably will be someone like Antonio Cromartie, a talented cornerback. We just named our MVP. It's MarQueis Gray, a quarterback who got hurt and benched.

Fireman Ed: You cheered for a team with real ambitions. Your head coach likes to challenge Bill Belichick. Ours ducks North Carolina.

Yours knows how to manage his roster. Ours wasted a year of eligibility to play Phil Nelson in a few games; yours seems determined to save a year of eligibility for Tim Tebow.

And the difference in the fan bases! Sure, Jets fans booed and left early during the game on Thanksgiving. Gophers fans, anticipating traffic this season, leave earlier. Like September.

But do I complain, Fireman Ed? No. I recognize that my job has its perks.

I hang around lots of winning teams. Minnesota is great at volleyball, wrestling, cross-country, track, and men's and women's hockey. We major in the minors.

At a lot of schools, the mascots work themselves to exhaustion, doing pushups for every touchdown their team scores. Me? Let's just say I don't exactly need Lance Armstrong's blood-doping expertise to get through the games.

Plus, Fireman Ed had no chance to get to know all of the Jets fans. The crowd is just too big. You've heard of being on a first-name basis? With Gophers football fans, I'm on a home- address basis. I know middle names, social security numbers and favorite microbrews. We're very close.

I have it so much better than Ed. He voluntarily showed his face while sitting in the stands, becoming the unfortunate symbol of a dysfunctional team and an angry fan base. Me? I have anonymity. Life is great. It's like being Kermit with cheerleaders.

Fireman Ed is a wimp and a quitter. I may look like Post-Steroid Elmo, but when it comes to sticking it out through tough times, nobody tops Goldy.

http://www.startribune.com/sports/gophers/181109701.html

 

[positively4thstreet]

That reads like a parody of a Souhan column. Jeez, Jim, take it easy on the sauce.

 

[Parski1]

Reusse must have assisted with that garbage.

 

[waubonsie]

OMG ... Comparing a New York professional football team against a Midwestern collegiate athletic program. This is as relevant as my _ _ _ !!!

 

[supadupafly]

This is the single worst column Jim Souhan has ever written. Over/under on how long this took to write?

Souhan: Unlike Fireman Ed, Goldy Gopher sticks through tough times

The following is re-printed without permission from the personal diary of Goldy Gopher:

I just read about Fireman Ed, the self-appointed Jets mascot who quit his fake job that nobody hired him to do after taking so much grief for wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey.

I hope he enjoys that special line for unemployed mascots who weren't asked to be mascots, but he should be prepared: Every five minutes, that guy who used to bang the newspaper on the Target Center court during Wolves games is going to ask for stock tips and gum, and the San Diego Chicken will try to sell him Amway.

Fireman Ed is pathetic. If you're going to quit, everyone in Minnesota knows that you don't announce your intentions in a giveaway newspaper. You write 4,000 words on Tumblr.

What is Ed complaining about?

He cheered for a team that won a Super Bowl in 1969. In Gophers years, that's, oh, yesterday.

He wore the jersey of a quarterback who has won four playoff games. If I wanted to wear a quarterback's jersey this year, I would have needed removable numbers and a phone booth on the sideline, so I could quick-change every time we picked a new starter. By the end of the season, Coach Kill was taking the redshirt away from players he hasn't even recruited yet.

Fireman Ed wore the jersey of a guy with a cool nickname: 'San-chize.' We call our quarterback, 'Poor kid.'

The Jets' team MVP probably will be someone like Antonio Cromartie, a talented cornerback. We just named our MVP. It's MarQueis Gray, a quarterback who got hurt and benched.

Fireman Ed: You cheered for a team with real ambitions. Your head coach likes to challenge Bill Belichick. Ours ducks North Carolina.

Yours knows how to manage his roster. Ours wasted a year of eligibility to play Phil Nelson in a few games; yours seems determined to save a year of eligibility for Tim Tebow.

And the difference in the fan bases! Sure, Jets fans booed and left early during the game on Thanksgiving. Gophers fans, anticipating traffic this season, leave earlier. Like September.

But do I complain, Fireman Ed? No. I recognize that my job has its perks.

I hang around lots of winning teams. Minnesota is great at volleyball, wrestling, cross-country, track, and men's and women's hockey. We major in the minors.

At a lot of schools, the mascots work themselves to exhaustion, doing pushups for every touchdown their team scores. Me? Let's just say I don't exactly need Lance Armstrong's blood-doping expertise to get through the games.

Plus, Fireman Ed had no chance to get to know all of the Jets fans. The crowd is just too big. You've heard of being on a first-name basis? With Gophers football fans, I'm on a home- address basis. I know middle names, social security numbers and favorite microbrews. We're very close.

I have it so much better than Ed. He voluntarily showed his face while sitting in the stands, becoming the unfortunate symbol of a dysfunctional team and an angry fan base. Me? I have anonymity. Life is great. It's like being Kermit with cheerleaders.

Fireman Ed is a wimp and a quitter. I may look like Post-Steroid Elmo, but when it comes to sticking it out through tough times, nobody tops Goldy.

http://www.startribune.com/sports/gophers/181109701.html

i appreciate the non-stop, sometimes oddly non-stop, posting of other people's articles you do around here. but honestly, why do you insist on posting some of this type of crap on here? if someone wanted to search out another piece of crap, anti U of M, jerky jim souhan column, i am sure they would have no problem finding it via that little thing called google. why it has to be posted here as its own thread makes absolutely no sense to me. you know it, i know it, we all know it. unless you are being paid to be a media aggregator for gopherhole, i honestly have to say i don't understand the reasoning for posting some of the links to media drivel and tripe that you do.

sorry.....but just felt like i needed to get that out.

 

[GopherInPittsburgh]

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

 

[e.bigelow]

I have never seen newspaper writers with so much hatred for their hometown university of the paper they work for. It is just sad.

In no way am I expecting every article not to critique or criticize our University, but this is getting just ridiculous. All Souhan and Reusse do is constantly bash loyal fans, for their loyalty no less. I find it pathetic.

Maybe they should bash their 'loyal' newspaper readers for reading their sh1tty a$$ newspaper. That would certainly fit with their general narrative on Gopher fans. Just my opinion.

 

[El Amin Fan]

i appreciate the non-stop, sometimes oddly non-stop, posting of other people's articles you do around here. but honestly, why do you insist on posting some of this type of crap on here? if someone wanted to search out another piece of crap, anti U of M, jerky jim souhan column, i am sure they would have no problem finding it via that little thing called google. why it has to be posted here as its own thread makes absolutely no sense to me. you know it, i know it, we all know it. unless you are being paid to be a media aggregator for gopherhole, i honestly have to say i don't understand the reasoning for posting some of the links to media drivel and tripe that you do.

sorry.....but just felt like i needed to get that out.

No one on GopherHole spends more time posting about things they don't like than supadupafly. You say you can't stand attendance threads or weather threads, so what do you do? You post over and over how you don't like those threads. More than a few times you've posted like this above where you don't like a link. Did Bleed not make the description of his post clear enough for you? Did you expect it to be a conversation about Kill's health? If you knew what the post was going to be, why did you click on it? Do you get paid to be a replier for GH about threads you don't like? If you don't like a topic like weather or attendance or Souhan don't click on it, and especially don't reply to it.


sorry.....but just felt like i needed to get that out.

 

[e.bigelow]

I give up on the STrib. Ugh. Rant over.

 

[supadupafly]

No one on GopherHole spends more time posting about things they don't like than supadupafly. You say you can't stand attendance threads or weather threads, so what do you do? You post over and over how you don't like those threads. More than a few times you've posted like this above where you don't like a link. Did Bleed not make the description of his post clear enough for you? Did you expect it to be a conversation about Kill's health? If you knew what the post was going to be, why did you click on it? Do you get paid to be a replier for GH about threads you don't like? If you don't like a topic like weather or attendance or Souhan don't click on it, and especially don't reply to it.


sorry.....but just felt like i needed to get that out.

ha! please! i know sometimes the truth hurts for some of you self-proclaimed "objective" posters who strangely believe you are the champions of generating supposedly "diverse" discussion, but come on now. deflect much? i am sure bleed can respond on his own. i know he is a big boy.

 

[supadupafly]

I have never seen newspaper writers with so much hatred for their hometown university of the paper they work for. It is just sad.

In no way am I expecting every article not to critique or criticize our University, but this is getting just ridiculous. All Souhan and Reusse do is constantly bash loyal fans, for their loyalty no less. I find it pathetic.

Maybe they should bash their 'loyal' newspaper readers for reading their sh1tty a$$ newspaper. That would certainly fit with their general narrative on Gopher fans. Just my opinion.

the problem is that the mpls tribune doesn't hire many local writers. they think they are "big time" and therefore believe that they "must" hire d*bag out of town turds like souhan because he wrote a couple ass-wipe worthy articles down in dallas around 20 years ago. and to expound the problem they hire tools like souhan who aren't even good columnists/reporters. they just personally believe they excel in snarkiness and unwarranted cheap shots, so that is the safe reliable route they go every time.

 

[e.bigelow]

the problem is that the mpls tribune doesn't hire many local writers. they think they are "big time" and therefore believe that they "must" hire d*bag out of town turds like souhan because he wrote a couple ass-whipping worthy articles down in dallas around 20 years ago. problem is they hire guys like souhan who aren't even good columnists/reporters. they just believe they excel in snarkiness and unwarranted cheap shots, so that is the safe reliable route they go every time.

Your right. It is just frustrating sometimes. I've come to the conclusion they really want to see the U fail miserably at everything. IMO. It is what it is I guess.

 

[GopherLady]

That reads like a parody of a Souhan column. Jeez, Jim, take it easy on the sauce.

Seriously. I had to click on the link to make sure it was for real. This would be an excellent column...for a high school newspaper.

 

[scools12]

Think way to many overly sensitve to how the media treats the Gophers. That being said this article makes no sense whatsoever. Not even sure what it's purpose is. Just taking a shot at the U for taking a shot sakes doesn't even seem worth the effort.

 

[Zales04]

Souhan seems to have an irrational amount of hate for the U of M. Reusse on the other hand seems like a guy that grew up loving Gopher sports and then couldn't believe that the U of M let athletics wither and die on the vine for so long after witnessing the glory days. He's so skeptical of any good news coming out of the U, almost like he doesn't want to let his heart get broken again.

Souhan needs to stick to baseball.

 

[GopherGod]

the problem is that the mpls tribune doesn't hire many local writers. they think they are "big time" and therefore believe that they "must" hire d*bag out of town turds like souhan because he wrote a couple ass-whipping worthy articles down in dallas around 20 years ago. problem is they hire guys like souhan who aren't even good columnists/reporters. they just believe they excel in snarkiness and unwarranted cheap shots, so that is the safe reliable route they go every time.

Let me guess, you are a wanna-be local writer who couldn't get a job at the tribune.

 

[anonymous]

supadupa,

There are actually several of the primary writers in the Star Tribune sports section that are graduates of the U or are local including some who have covered the Gophers.

 

[supadupafly]

Let me guess, you are a wanna-be local writer who couldn't get a job at the tribune.

not even close. i have a real job, making a real salary. a job that actually has future job security and isn't based on cheap rumor mongering, posting inane tweets (ala doogie and company) and trading in other's "secrets". as good as the fine folks here at gopherhole do on this site, i would never want to be a "professional" writer for a living. 95% in the supposed profession are just downright lazy people and are nothing more than self-proclaimed provokers of deep thought. and a good percentage of those simply have a personal agenda they are trying to get out. when really they are nothing more than people who like to piss others off from behind the power of the pen and the no longer clean shield of freedom of the press.

that other 5% who really are good, high quality columnists, reporters and writers in the profession i have IMMENSE respect for. and think they are a great asset to the community. unfortunately, i am quite certain none of that 5% works for the mpls tribune or the st. paul pioneer press.

 

[supadupafly]

supadupa,

There are actually several of the primary writers in the Star Tribune sports section that are graduates of the U or are local including some who have covered the Gophers.

who? dennis "the hatchet" brackin?! please tell me he is not your example here.

 

[station19]

No one on GopherHole spends more time posting about things they don't like than supadupafly. You say you can't stand attendance threads or weather threads, so what do you do? You post over and over how you don't like those threads. More than a few times you've posted like this above where you don't like a link. Did Bleed not make the description of his post clear enough for you? Did you expect it to be a conversation about Kill's health? If you knew what the post was going to be, why did you click on it? Do you get paid to be a replier for GH about threads you don't like? If you don't like a topic like weather or attendance or Souhan don't click on it, and especially don't reply to it.


sorry.....but just felt like i needed to get that out.

Excellent post.

Spudfly has issues.

BTW: Minnesota @ Florida State; attendance 7,941.......not sure on the temp.

 

[supadupafly]

Excellent post.

Spudfly has issues.

BTW: Minnesota @ Florida State; attendance 7,941.......not sure on the temp.

and my #1 fan finally chimes in. where you been guy? love the way you love me. we are meant for each other. don't ever change. stay golden pony boy.

 

[Gopher Bandanna Guy]

Wow Jim. Just wow. I've wasted so many characters here (and in emails to your editors) on your reprehensibly terrible columns, but this one genuinely leaves me unable to even comment on what this was.

What color is the sky in this guy's world?

 

[tjgopher]

Seriously. I had to click on the link to make sure it was for real. This would be an excellent column...for a high school newspaper.

Not really. That column would not get anything above a "C" grade in a high school writing class. The teacher would tell the student to "grow up" and write something a little more mature. It was simply that bad. Holy crap.

 

[FanSinceTheFifties]

I think the column is rather witty. Clever first-person technique. It hurts because we're fans of a program that IS that bad -- that HAS withered to a bottom-of-a-declining conference level. What disturbs me about Souhan, Reusse, other writers, and posters here, is that no one wants to discuss, let alone solve, the problem. WHY are we sub-standard? What are we doing to identify the cause? What can be done to remedy the problem? What can't be done? We fuss and fret and blame writers for mocking our lack of success, but we don't insist on solving the problem. Go ahead and trash me as you do everyone who is considered disloyal if they admit to the program's weakness but that won't make the program better. We need to analyze what it is that makes us non-competitive and solve that as other schools (Wisconsin, Kansas State, e.g.) have done.

 

[Go4]

I think the column is rather witty. Clever first-person technique. It hurts because we're fans of a program that IS that bad -- that HAS withered to a bottom-of-a-declining conference level. What disturbs me about Souhan, Reusse, other writers, and posters here, is that no one wants to discuss, let alone solve, the problem. WHY are we sub-standard? What are we doing to identify the cause? What can be done to remedy the problem? What can't be done? We fuss and fret and blame writers for mocking our lack of success, but we don't insist on solving the problem. Go ahead and trash me as you do everyone who is considered disloyal if they admit to the program's weakness but that won't make the program better. We need to analyze what it is that makes us non-competitive and solve that as other schools (Wisconsin, Kansas State, e.g.) have done.

dude, do you not read gh? we discuss why this program is where its at all the time. meanwhile, all you did is tell everyone what they should be asking. go ahead and start a new thread discussing why the program is where its at instead of tossing grenades at everyone here.

 

[Hates Monikers]

Souhan is getting the response he wants. Ignore him. I stopped reading him long ago, not because he hates the Gophers, but because his "jokes" make his material unreadable. I actually used to like him. I think he went downhill after he went on the radio and decided he needed to unleash his personality to keep up with Reusse. Unfortunately, he doesn't have one.

I've come to the conclusion that after these guys have been in the business long enough, they become jaded. They begin to dislike the athletes and organizations they cover. I now pay a lot more attention to the guys who write for the ESPN 1500 web site. Whether you agree with them or not, at least they are passionate and take it seriously. For now, anyway.

 

[MNVCGUY]

cracks me up that everytime Souhan and Reuse write these columns we get a thread on here and everyone expresses their outrage over what was written and bashes the writer for saying such stupid things.

This is exactly the reaction they are going for when the write the story in the first place. They want to get people riled up and pissed off. This was just another throw away column by an entertainer who gets paid to make fun of local teams.

These columns are going to be the reality until the day comes when Gopher Football is a consistent power. A middle to bottom of the pack Big Ten team that can't stay out of its own way on the PR front is an easy target for guys like Souhan so they take the shot over and over again.

 

[lakesgopher]

cracks me up that everytime Souhan and Reuse write these columns we get a thread on here and everyone expresses their outrage over what was written and bashes the writer for saying such stupid things.

This is exactly the reaction they are going for when the write the story in the first place. They want to get people riled up and pissed off. This was just another throw away column by an entertainer who gets paid to make fun of local teams.

These columns are going to be the reality until the day comes when Gopher Football is a consistent power. A middle to bottom of the pack Big Ten team that can't stay out of its own way on the PR front is an easy target for guys like Souhan so they take the shot over and over again.

Hahaha I love the outrage people build up. i also love the "I don't read that newspaper" or "I turn the station when he comes on."

 

[Maximus]

1) Column is written

2) GHers express outrage/hurl insults/make up nicknames for media writer (Fat Pat, Burrito, Soupcan, etc.)

3) "I stopped reading 'insert writer' years ago. You all know this because I've told you this in every single thread"

4) "This is exactly the reaction they wanted...don't click!!"

5) "Stop creating threads about 'insert writer'!!!"

Rinse and repeat.

 

[Iceland12]

Seriously. I had to click on the link to make sure it was for real. This would be an excellent column...for a high school newspaper.

No kidding, a humor column without timing or rhythm. Some very tortured comparisons in a "Yours/Ours", "He Said/She Said", "Do Be/Don't Be" column. Two or three funny observations stretched-out over a "continues on C5" column.

Simple rule, you try for humor you gotta have laughs.