As per your request:
Norwood Teague and Eric Kaler
• Norwood Teague, resigned athletic director, and Eric Kaler, University of Minnesota president.
The Chairman: “You’re right, faithful committee. It’s an impressive combined Turkey contender — a serial sexual harasser and a boss who didn’t want to know the truth about the AD he hired.
“Then again, Norwood did buy $20 worth of Girl Scout cookies from me to assist a relative new to the cookie business, so I’m going to pass on making him the Turkey.’’
With that, the committee washed its hands of the process and left it to the Chairman to reveal his choice for Grand Gobbler.
Here it is: Death.
The Grim Reaper. The Dark Angel. Death.
For Turkey of the Year?
You betcha. Death has given us a horrible year in sports. Death can kiss my … grits, I guess.
Flip Saunders. You have to be kidding — Flip, at 60, he’s on the phone to The Chairman in mid-August, saying we’ll talk at length after the last chemo treatment in a few days, and then you hear he’s in crisis, and then he’s gone.
Flip was a co-winner of Turkey of the Year (with Kevin McHale) in 2002, and took it in the good humor that was intended.
There’s no humor intended this time. Not with Death, which was at its awful worst in sports over the past year.
Freddie McNeill, the outstanding Vikings linebacker, gone at 63, due to ALS and dementia. Very classy, Death — giving Freddie, a good and intelligent man, a double dose.
Verne Gagne and Nick Bockwinkel … of that age, but was the Alzheimer’s necessary?
J.P. Parise in January, only a couple of months after his pal Muzz Oliver — two of hockey’s best guys, bang, bang.
Ernie Banks doesn’t even get to stick around to see the big summer from his Cubs? And how about that 19-year-old basketball player, Lauren Hill, the warrior against brain cancer who played a moment for Mount St. Joseph last season, and then passed away in April?
This is no attempt at a complete list. This is just a partial indictment against Death.
Flip, for goodness sakes.
Take this Turkey award, and try to get lost for a while, Death.
And previous winners:
PREVIOUS TURKEYS OF THE YEAR
In the Star Tribune (28)
2015: The Grim Reaper
2014: 25 Years of the Timberwolves
2013: Terry Ryan, Twins
2012: Tubby Smith, Gophers
2011: Zygi Wilf, Vikings
2010: Brett Favre, Vikings
2009: Tim Brewster, Gophers
2008: Marian Gaborik, Wild
2007: Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
2006: Pam Borton, Gophers
2005: Bob Naegele, Wild
2004: Red McCombs, Vikings
2003: Glen Mason, Gophers
2002: Kevin McHale/ Flip Saunders, Wolves
2001: Randy Moss/ Cris Carter, Vikings
2000: Jesse Ventura, Minn. governor
1999: Clem Haskins, Gophers
1998: Carl Pohlad, Twins
1997: Dennis Green, Vikings
1996: Kerri Strug, Olympian
1995: Warren Moon, Vikings
1994: Jack McCloskey, Wolves
1993: Norm Green, N. Stars
1992: 25 Years of Gophers football
1991: Chris Doleman, Vikings
1990: Kent Hrbek, Twins
1989: Mike Lynn, Vikings
1988: Lou Nanne, North Stars
In the Pioneer Press (10)
1987: Carl Pohlad, Twins
1986: Dr. Kenneth Keller, University of Minnesota president
1985: Lou Holtz, Gophers
1984: Les Steckel, Vikings
1983: Paul Giel, Gophers
1982: Billy Martin, A’s/Yankees
1981: George Steinbrenner, Yankees
1980: Bobby Knight, Indiana Hoosiers
1979: Pete Rozelle (NFL)/Bowie Kuhn (MLB), commissioners
1978: Woody Hayes, Ohio St.