A recent history of Minnesota football

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HolyCrossBadger

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Many of you may be familiar with the 2005 essay entitled "A Discourse on the History and Origins of the Suckiness of Minnesota", which dealt largely with the drawbacks of the Metrodome. Now that the Metrodome has gone the way of Glen Mason, the dodo, and Minnesota national championships, the author has put forth a new study determined to get to the root of why Minnesota STILL sucks so much, entitled "The Suckiness of Minnesota Revisited".

Please read these essays and provide any feedback you wish, so the author may better understand just why Minnesota sucks as much as it does. It truly is a unique case of suckitude with no clear cut answer. Maybe thought the Metrodome was to blame for Minnesota's life failures, but it's obvious that is not the case.

https://sites.google.com/site/watchforchairlegs/
 

I don't think I really want the 80,000 "fans" that Dump Randall attracts, considering this is pretty much the standard-issue Mr. and Mrs. Bager fan ...

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Hey look everybody, our favorite marching band geek is back! He has almost a decade of being a sports fan under his belt, and is back to puff out his bird chest on the interwebs. I can't remember, can you bounce a ball 4 times without it hitting your foot?

CLARINETS, HALT!

Tell us again about those kick ass band trips again, the long bus rides and hotel hijinks. HAHAHAHA! I can't believe that freshman flute player had to moon everyone. HAZING!!!111! Kiss a girl yet or do your braces still get in the way?

I find it humorous that after a lifetime of using doctor's notes to get out of gym class and getting shoved into lockers by athletes, that the uw band dorks become HUGE sports fans in college. I guess the sting of the wedgies wears off after a few years.
 

HolyCrossBadger said:
Many of you may be familiar with the 2005 essay entitled "A Discourse on the History and Origins of the Suckiness of Minnesota", which dealt largely with the drawbacks of the Metrodome. Now that the Metrodome has gone the way of Glen Mason, the dodo, and Minnesota national championships, the author has put forth a new study determined to get to the root of why Minnesota STILL sucks so much, entitled "The Suckiness of Minnesota Revisited".

Please read these essays and provide any feedback you wish, so the author may better understand just why Minnesota sucks as much as it does. It truly is a unique case of suckitude with no clear cut answer. Maybe thought the Metrodome was to blame for Minnesota's life failures, but it's obvious that is not the case.

https://sites.google.com/site/watchforchairlegs/
Click to expand...

Here is my feedback:

You are a failure. Holy Cross and UW are good schools, did you attend both? If so, how is it possible you could obtain degrees from these institutions with such awful writing skills? Your essay was a good idea but it was poorly executed. You are obviously not funny, and I'm guessing that you don't know anything about college football. There are a ton of things you can mock when it comes to Gopher football, and you chose the band and the mascot? Whoa, let's keep it above the belt next time!
 


HolyCrossBadger said:
You sure must be old to remember those national championships. Good on you gramps to learn how to use the internet, because nobody younger than 80 remembers those National Championships.

But I don't blame you...better to recall the glory days of 60 years ago than today's pathetic Gopher program.
Click to expand...

You're absolutely right, I admit to getting a little older and I don't remember things all that well anymore.
I do remember it was great when we won a National Championship with Sandy Stephens at QB. I was a young lad with my dad:) How was your experience with your dad when you won yours?
 

I will take the Rotating M and the Swinging Gates Formation with the Battle Hymn of the Republic over anything the Wisconsin band has (Wisconsin HAS a band? I hadn't noticed)

And Goldy Gopher wins hands down over Bucky Badger. Bucky looks like he spent a lot of time packed in a very tight crate and they haven't gotten him completely unfolded yet.

But one edge that Minnesota has is that HolyCrossBadger isn't a Gophers fan.
 

Why would you even click that link, much less respond to this troll?
 

Unregistered User said:
Why would you even click that link, much less respond to this troll?
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I gave it the benefit of the doubt that it might have had just a trace of serious attempt at analyisis, rather than just being a stupid smack piece. Perhaps the troll is a drooling moron, or perhaps that is too harsh. He might just be a moron.
 



If you read it and are honest to yourself, and you didn't grow up in Minnesota, it's not unfair at all.

We are plagued by whiny bandwagon jumpers who don't know how to tailgate, show up late, leave early, or don't show up. Not everybody, but the rate is way higher in MN than it is in say WI, IL, MI, IA, etc.
 

Unregistered User said:
Why would you even click that link, much less respond to this troll?
Click to expand...

Because it's funny? I mean it's not laugh-out-loud Minnie Pearl on Hee-Haw funny, but certainly a humorous read - even Gopher fans have to be able to laugh at themselves on occasion, no?
 

Clyde Tester said:
but certainly a humorous read
Click to expand...

To whom? That thing is an abortion and an affront to humor. I can appreciate good satire, even that which comes at Gopher expense (BHGP, for example), but I'd be embarrassed to show something like this to anyone outside my close circle of friends and family.
 




Lots of denial going on up there in Gopher Nation I see...

What parts of the story are untrue? Minnesota football is terrible, has been terrible for years, and will be terrible for the forseeable future. If you aren't jealous of what Wisconsin has, you're only kidding yourself. Again, winning national championships 60 years ago means jack$h!t when you haven't done anything since.

PS: I didn't write the articles...

wait!what?: There are some big tailgating lots north of Camp Randall, across University ave. Try lot 60, near the Neilsen Tennis Stadium and marching band practice field, or lot 34 near Tripp and Adams halls (student dorms).

Actually the best is probably lot 62, across from the Natatorium. It's about a 5 minute walk to the stadium, and first come - first served parking (no permit needed...just pay a couple bucks when you get there).
 

The tailgating comment by wait!what?! is ridiculous and obviously has never tailgated before a Badger game at Camp Randall. The tailgating is 10X what it is for a Gopher game and you don't have to pay jack squat like you do at TCF.
 

I was going to say... where's the tailgating? EVERYWHERE within a 2 mile radius of the football stadium. Choose a street to walk on and you will be beckoned into at least 1 tailgate.
 

Badgers still have to live in Madison.

Sucks to suck.
 

Ummmm..I am not talking about grilling in someones yard and I ain't walking from Picnic Point. I guess I meant tailgaiting in the shadow of the stadium but you think anywhere within 53711. We have different definitions of tailgating.
 


There was tailgating by the stadium bar right across the street from camp randall in random bank parking lots and such.

Bucky still Sucks though. 6 national titles to ZERO. They can't get a good reply to that.

THEY HAVE NONE AND SUCKED FOR A LONG LONG TIME BEFORE THEIR RECENT "SUCCESSES".
 


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