GopherMenace
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Hello Gopherhole! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Another season has come and gone, which means it’s once again time to hand out the most dreaded award in Gopher football: the HAM of the Year*.
Welcome to the third installment of this new holiday tradition. If you’d like to revisit the 2023 or 2024 editions, you can click those years and relive the pain. For those who are new, this award is a college football spoof of another infamous honor handed out annually by a highly regarded and very tolerant (as long as you don’t bring up Brass Monkey) local sportswriter. Much like his Turkey of the Year at Thanksgiving, I present a HAM for Christmas.
At home, there were plenty of frustrations and migraines to go around. The Pig is staying in Iowa. Rushing three while the QB is lighting you up all night. Offensive inconsistency. I popped more than a few Advil this season.
Nationally, college football felt like a full-blown soap opera. Quarterbacks demanding more NIL and bolting unexpectedly. Programs firing successful coaches. Coaches openly flirting with rival schools. And some people doing a little more than flirting behind closed doors. There’s a lot to get to, so without further ado, let’s meet the finalists.
*HAM stands for “having a migraine” because when I write this article every year I get the worst migraines thinking of all of the mind numbing events that took place during the college football season.
Nico Iamaleava
Once considered a Heisman contender and future first-round draft pick, Nico went from the talk of college football to afterthought when he left the Smoky Mountains for the hazy skies of Los Angeles in search of more NIL money. He walked away from a high-powered offense and one of the best offensive minds in college football to join UCLA.
The result? A 3–9 season and ranking near the bottom of the Big Ten statistically.
Rather than being remembered for his talent, Nico is now remembered more for his bizarre behavior last spring than his play on the field. Maybe this becomes a cautionary tale for young players everywhere: the grass isn’t always greener, and money isn’t always everything.
ESPN/CFP Selection Process
I don’t actually have an issue with who made the College Football Playoff. The final field made sense. What didn’t make sense was how the committee got there.
From Week 10 on, the CFP rankings consistently had Notre Dame ahead of both Miami and Alabama. Then after rivalry week, Alabama jumped Notre Dame despite both teams winning and despite Alabama barely surviving a very mediocre Auburn team. The following week, Miami jumped Notre Dame as well, even though neither team played, while Alabama stayed put despite being dominated by Georgia in the SEC Championship.
Again, the end result worked out. Alabama and Miami both proved they belonged by winning their first-round games. But if the committee believed they were better teams all along, why weren’t they ranked higher from the start? And if they weren’t, what exactly happened in the final two weeks to justify the movement? Maybe it’s time to do away with the weekly rankings reveal and only have one selection show at the end. But, we all know that ESPN won’t do that because they need their easy talking points to generate endless lazy debate on their talk shows.
Thinking of ESPN’s laziness and trying to follow the committee’s logic gave me a headache, but I can’t imagine the migraine Marcus Freeman and the rest of Irish faithful were suffering when they saw the final selection show.
Gopherholers
As always, given the sheer volume of nonsense spewed on this board over the course of a year, we deserve a spot on the list.
Whether it’s the posters who can never be happy, those who refuse to accept even the slightest criticism of Fleck and the program, or those of us who believe we’re intellectually superior because we sit “somewhere in the middle”. We all played our part in inducing migraines this season.
Danny Collins
Fleck and the rest of the Minnesota program was hung out to dry last December when then defensive coordinator Corey Heatherman left town for Miami despite having recently signed a contract extension. Fleck quickly made his move and promoted longtime safeties coach Danny Collins to be the new defensive coordinator.
Like most people, I expected growing pains. However, I hoped that as the season progressed we would see some signs that Collins was figuring it out. Instead both Iowa and Northwestern would have their highest scoring games against Big Ten opponents against our defense. Now there were some glimmers of hope throughout the season. The Nebraska game was one of the best defensive efforts I’ve seen in awhile, the defense came up with a big play to win the game against Purdue, and they held strong against Michigan State in overtime. Fleck has decided to keep him, so hopefully he watches film and develops this offseason.
Collins is a strong contender to be the HAM, but given it’s Christmas and it's his first year, I’ll give him some grace. However, I'm hoping Santa brought me some Tylenol because I will need some when I see that three man rush again.
Greg Harbaugh and Matt Simon
A very strong contender for HAM of the Year.
The offense was once again disappointing and inconsistent. This season featured the worst yards per game and third-worst points per game of the Fleck era (with the worst being Year Zero and the second-worst being Harbaugh and Simon’s first year).
Struggling against Ohio State, Oregon, and Iowa is understandable. Struggling against Cal, Purdue, and Buffalo is not. In fact, there were only two games all season in which the Gophers scored more points than their opponent typically allowed.
There is optimism for next year. Lindsey should continue to improve and maybe a key portal pickup or two will be what is needed to make this offense click. I will not be holding my breath. Harbaugh and Simon would have been my winners in an average year, but this year was anything but average.
2025 Coaching Carousel
Um… what?
In my relatively short time as a college football fan, this was the most chaotic coaching carousel I can remember. Massive jobs opened. Storylines exploded. Drama unfolded weekly. At times, I wasn’t sure whether I was watching ESPN or TMZ.
I still can’t believe Penn State fired James Franklin and then proceeded to strike out on seemingly everyone on their wish list. Nittany Lion fans were experiencing migraines of their own as coach after coach turned them down. That pain was slightly eased when Matt Campbell finally left Iowa State to take the job. I don’t know how good he’ll be, but at least Penn State avoided a Nebraska-style meltdown.
Down south, familiar drama dominated November. Once LSU fired Brian Kelly, all eyes turned to Ole Miss head coach Lane Kiffin. Rather than shut down rumors, Lane poured gasoline on them. Despite Ole Miss having its best season in decades and being on the brink of the playoff, Kiffin spent weeks stoking speculation.
It all came to a head the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when Lane boarded a plane bound for Baton Rouge. Soon after, he was announced as LSU’s next head coach. Tennessee fans got PTSD. Ole Miss fans developed a migraine so severe it can only be cured by either a deep playoff run, or absolutely demolishing LSU when Kiffin returns to Oxford next season.
Lane got lucky, though, because what followed somehow managed to overshadow even that.
The 2025 HAM of the year: Sherrone Moore
When I first created this award I had anticipated that the HAM would always have some significant tie to Minnesota, but what went on in Ann Arbor required me to venture outside of Dinkytown. It would’ve taken something quite spectacular to outdo this year’s HAM of the year winner. I mean cheating on your spouse is migraine inducing enough, but to do it while you have young children together? TO DO IT WITH A 19 YEAR OLD STAFFER WHEN YOU HAVE A JOB THAT PAYS MILLIONS AND THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DREAM OF HAVING?!? Not only do you do that, when it starts to come to light instead of owning it or even attempting to deny it, you choose to go to the person’s house and threaten them!? It’s beyond mind numbing, it’s beyond mind melting, you would literally have to have lost your mind to have done what Moore did. It’s too bad Stanley Hudson wasn’t there when Moore lost his mind because maybe he could’ve helped him find it before he decided to destroy his life.
Thank you all for reading! There was so much crazy this year that it was hard to trim it down to just these finalists. I mean didn’t even get to mention North Carolina’s new head coach Jordon Huds– opps I mean Bill Belichick. I’m sure I’ve missed many others as well. Regardless I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and may 2026 bring the Axe, Pig, Jug, and Bell.
Past Winners:
2023: Ten years of the Big Ten West
2024: De’Vondre Campbell
Another season has come and gone, which means it’s once again time to hand out the most dreaded award in Gopher football: the HAM of the Year*.
Welcome to the third installment of this new holiday tradition. If you’d like to revisit the 2023 or 2024 editions, you can click those years and relive the pain. For those who are new, this award is a college football spoof of another infamous honor handed out annually by a highly regarded and very tolerant (as long as you don’t bring up Brass Monkey) local sportswriter. Much like his Turkey of the Year at Thanksgiving, I present a HAM for Christmas.
At home, there were plenty of frustrations and migraines to go around. The Pig is staying in Iowa. Rushing three while the QB is lighting you up all night. Offensive inconsistency. I popped more than a few Advil this season.
Nationally, college football felt like a full-blown soap opera. Quarterbacks demanding more NIL and bolting unexpectedly. Programs firing successful coaches. Coaches openly flirting with rival schools. And some people doing a little more than flirting behind closed doors. There’s a lot to get to, so without further ado, let’s meet the finalists.
*HAM stands for “having a migraine” because when I write this article every year I get the worst migraines thinking of all of the mind numbing events that took place during the college football season.
Nico Iamaleava
Once considered a Heisman contender and future first-round draft pick, Nico went from the talk of college football to afterthought when he left the Smoky Mountains for the hazy skies of Los Angeles in search of more NIL money. He walked away from a high-powered offense and one of the best offensive minds in college football to join UCLA.
The result? A 3–9 season and ranking near the bottom of the Big Ten statistically.
Rather than being remembered for his talent, Nico is now remembered more for his bizarre behavior last spring than his play on the field. Maybe this becomes a cautionary tale for young players everywhere: the grass isn’t always greener, and money isn’t always everything.
ESPN/CFP Selection Process
I don’t actually have an issue with who made the College Football Playoff. The final field made sense. What didn’t make sense was how the committee got there.
From Week 10 on, the CFP rankings consistently had Notre Dame ahead of both Miami and Alabama. Then after rivalry week, Alabama jumped Notre Dame despite both teams winning and despite Alabama barely surviving a very mediocre Auburn team. The following week, Miami jumped Notre Dame as well, even though neither team played, while Alabama stayed put despite being dominated by Georgia in the SEC Championship.
Again, the end result worked out. Alabama and Miami both proved they belonged by winning their first-round games. But if the committee believed they were better teams all along, why weren’t they ranked higher from the start? And if they weren’t, what exactly happened in the final two weeks to justify the movement? Maybe it’s time to do away with the weekly rankings reveal and only have one selection show at the end. But, we all know that ESPN won’t do that because they need their easy talking points to generate endless lazy debate on their talk shows.
Thinking of ESPN’s laziness and trying to follow the committee’s logic gave me a headache, but I can’t imagine the migraine Marcus Freeman and the rest of Irish faithful were suffering when they saw the final selection show.
Gopherholers
As always, given the sheer volume of nonsense spewed on this board over the course of a year, we deserve a spot on the list.
Whether it’s the posters who can never be happy, those who refuse to accept even the slightest criticism of Fleck and the program, or those of us who believe we’re intellectually superior because we sit “somewhere in the middle”. We all played our part in inducing migraines this season.
Danny Collins
Fleck and the rest of the Minnesota program was hung out to dry last December when then defensive coordinator Corey Heatherman left town for Miami despite having recently signed a contract extension. Fleck quickly made his move and promoted longtime safeties coach Danny Collins to be the new defensive coordinator.
Like most people, I expected growing pains. However, I hoped that as the season progressed we would see some signs that Collins was figuring it out. Instead both Iowa and Northwestern would have their highest scoring games against Big Ten opponents against our defense. Now there were some glimmers of hope throughout the season. The Nebraska game was one of the best defensive efforts I’ve seen in awhile, the defense came up with a big play to win the game against Purdue, and they held strong against Michigan State in overtime. Fleck has decided to keep him, so hopefully he watches film and develops this offseason.
Collins is a strong contender to be the HAM, but given it’s Christmas and it's his first year, I’ll give him some grace. However, I'm hoping Santa brought me some Tylenol because I will need some when I see that three man rush again.
Greg Harbaugh and Matt Simon
A very strong contender for HAM of the Year.
The offense was once again disappointing and inconsistent. This season featured the worst yards per game and third-worst points per game of the Fleck era (with the worst being Year Zero and the second-worst being Harbaugh and Simon’s first year).
Struggling against Ohio State, Oregon, and Iowa is understandable. Struggling against Cal, Purdue, and Buffalo is not. In fact, there were only two games all season in which the Gophers scored more points than their opponent typically allowed.
There is optimism for next year. Lindsey should continue to improve and maybe a key portal pickup or two will be what is needed to make this offense click. I will not be holding my breath. Harbaugh and Simon would have been my winners in an average year, but this year was anything but average.
2025 Coaching Carousel
Um… what?
In my relatively short time as a college football fan, this was the most chaotic coaching carousel I can remember. Massive jobs opened. Storylines exploded. Drama unfolded weekly. At times, I wasn’t sure whether I was watching ESPN or TMZ.
I still can’t believe Penn State fired James Franklin and then proceeded to strike out on seemingly everyone on their wish list. Nittany Lion fans were experiencing migraines of their own as coach after coach turned them down. That pain was slightly eased when Matt Campbell finally left Iowa State to take the job. I don’t know how good he’ll be, but at least Penn State avoided a Nebraska-style meltdown.
Down south, familiar drama dominated November. Once LSU fired Brian Kelly, all eyes turned to Ole Miss head coach Lane Kiffin. Rather than shut down rumors, Lane poured gasoline on them. Despite Ole Miss having its best season in decades and being on the brink of the playoff, Kiffin spent weeks stoking speculation.
It all came to a head the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when Lane boarded a plane bound for Baton Rouge. Soon after, he was announced as LSU’s next head coach. Tennessee fans got PTSD. Ole Miss fans developed a migraine so severe it can only be cured by either a deep playoff run, or absolutely demolishing LSU when Kiffin returns to Oxford next season.
Lane got lucky, though, because what followed somehow managed to overshadow even that.
The 2025 HAM of the year: Sherrone Moore
When I first created this award I had anticipated that the HAM would always have some significant tie to Minnesota, but what went on in Ann Arbor required me to venture outside of Dinkytown. It would’ve taken something quite spectacular to outdo this year’s HAM of the year winner. I mean cheating on your spouse is migraine inducing enough, but to do it while you have young children together? TO DO IT WITH A 19 YEAR OLD STAFFER WHEN YOU HAVE A JOB THAT PAYS MILLIONS AND THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DREAM OF HAVING?!? Not only do you do that, when it starts to come to light instead of owning it or even attempting to deny it, you choose to go to the person’s house and threaten them!? It’s beyond mind numbing, it’s beyond mind melting, you would literally have to have lost your mind to have done what Moore did. It’s too bad Stanley Hudson wasn’t there when Moore lost his mind because maybe he could’ve helped him find it before he decided to destroy his life.
Thank you all for reading! There was so much crazy this year that it was hard to trim it down to just these finalists. I mean didn’t even get to mention North Carolina’s new head coach Jordon Huds– opps I mean Bill Belichick. I’m sure I’ve missed many others as well. Regardless I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and may 2026 bring the Axe, Pig, Jug, and Bell.
Past Winners:
2023: Ten years of the Big Ten West
2024: De’Vondre Campbell
