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Hello GopherHole and Merry Christmas!! Every Thanksgiving a beloved Minnesota sports writer looks across the landscape of sports through a Minnesota lens and chooses a Turkey of the year. For those unfamiliar with this award, the winner of it is anyone involved in sports, usually someone from the Minnesota sports scene, who did something to make themselves look extremely foolish in the past year. The beloved writer then mocks the winner and details all of the things the winner has done in the past year that were foolish. I have spoofed this award to make it one that fits this thread. Without further ado… Welcome to the first annual GopherHole HAM* of the year!
*HAM stands for “having a migraine” because when I wrote this article I had a migraine thinking of all of the mind numbing events that took place this college football season.
Let's meet the finalists!
PJ Fleck-
From preseason to now, P.J. Fleck has had a season that would give any person in his situation a months-long migraine. In late July, Fleck got hit with allegations of a toxic culture in his program. The allegations appeared baseless and the story has since been forgotten, but it would be a precursor to the forgettable season his football team would have. Misfires on offense, conservative play calling, and total collapses on defense led to the most gut wrenching season of Fleck’s tenure at Minnesota. The postseason has not been the kindest to Fleck either as he has lost his defensive coordinator, two of his top recruits, and an unappealing story broke of him cursing out his quarterback in front of others after a loss where the defense gave up 49 points. The postseason has not been all bad as the Gophers were able to keep their top recruit from flipping to prestigious helmet schools. They were able to sign a solid QB in the portal, while keeping key pieces on their team. However, if it wasn’t for the win at Iowa and key pieces staying, Fleck may have found himself as the first ever HAM of the year. If you were to ask Fleck about this I am sure he would say “It’s on me.”
GopherHole Users-
This finalist spot is for all of us. Anyone who has ever come on this board during or after a Gopher football game knows about all of the migraine inducing threads and conversations we have on this message board. I personally do not see us getting off of the finalists list anytime soon.
Connor Stallions-
Connor Stallions went from a no-name member of the Michigan football staff to being in the middle of the biggest controversy in college football this year. What started out as a simple violation of in-person scouting, turned into one of the wildest stories in recent college football memory. Stallions would not just be caught going to opposing teams games and stealing signs, but he would even be caught IMPERSONATING CENTRAL MICHIGAN’S STAFF to be on the sidelines at one of their games. The story only gets more prosperous as we later find out that Stallions had written a 500 page manifesto on how he was going to take over the Michigan Football program. Stallions would resign and Harbaugh would be suspended the last three games of the season. The story is not yet over as the NCAA will likely take action this offseason. Stallions has a strong case to be HAM of the year as I am sure Harbaugh is still suffering from the biggest migraine of his life, but the winner has caused more migraines than anyone else on this list combined.
Greg Harbaugh and Matt Simon-
In their first year as co-offensive coordinators, Harbaugh and Simon produced an offense that ranked in the bottom 10 in yards and bottom 20 in points per game in the ENTIRE FBS. With unoriginal play design that did not seem to match the skill set of our players, and conservative play calling that left many Gopher faithful suffering migraines on a weekly basis. The blame does not totally fall on their shoulders. Injuries to the running back room left them with a 4th string walk on at running back for most of the season, players in key positions failed to make easy plays when they count, and no one really knows how much influence Fleck has on any given play call. However, another year of poor production might land them this dreaded award.
The College Football Playoff Committee-
The Committee was stuck between a rock and a hard place; either leave out the SEC champ or leave out an undefeated Power 5 champ. The Committee chose the former which sparked outrage, conspiracy theories, and even legal action. Whether the Committee got the decision right is up for debate, is Alabama currently better than Florida St? Probably. Was it unfair that Florida St. got left out after going undefeated and winning the ACC? Probably. The Committee has said throughout its existence that it is the four best teams in college football that get into the playoffs and not the four most deserving. This is how it should be, but it is not hard to imagine that the Committee could use this excuse to allow ESPN to put the matchups that would get the best viewership out of the top 6-8 teams rather than the actual four best teams. Regardless of your views on the Committee’s decision this year, Florida St fans will be having recurring migraines when they think back to watching the playoff selection show and seeing Alabama’s logo appear in that 4 spot. Luckily for the committee the playoffs are expanding to 12 teams next year so they will never have to worry about making up excuses as to why Alabama should make it, as well as not having to worry about leaving out a Power 4 champ.
Winner: 10 years of the Big Ten West
As it is now time to say goodbye to our beloved division, I could not find a better selection for the first ever HAM of the year than the entirety of the Big Ten West. In ten seasons of the Big Ten West, the West has accounted for 0 playoff appearances, 4 total New Years 6 bowl game appearances (3 Wisconsin 2-1 & 1 Iowa 0-1), four different division winners (Wisconsin, Iowa, Purdue, Northwestern), 5 top ten AP poll finishers (Wisconsin 2, Minnesota 1, Northwestern 1, Iowa 1) and a whopping 0 Big Ten Championships, being outscored 352-145 in those games. The West had their chances, they came closest in 2015 when Iowa was leading Michigan St 13-9 with 9:31 left. Michigan St would go on a 22 play, 9 minute drive that would result in Michigan St running back L.J. Scott stretching out his arm to score the game winning touchdown with 30 seconds left. This play sent Michigan St to the playoffs and would be the closest the West would ever be to a playoff berth.
Just how bad was the West? Well in comparison to their eastern counterpart, they have significantly less playoff berths (9-0)and NY6 bowl game appearances (20-4). Some would argue that the East has both Michigan and Ohio St, the two most dominant programs throughout the Big Ten’s entire history, so it is not a fair comparison. Well when looking across the landscape of college football, only the ACC Atlantic ties the Big Ten West for having the fewest number of teams reach a NY6 bowl game. But in the Atlantic’s defense, they are home to multiple time national champion Clemson. Every other Power 5 conference division has more NY6 teams and appearances. No other division has been blanked in their conference championship like the Big Ten West has been during this time period.
The Big Ten West may go down in infamy, especially with the fact that the last ever winner of the West averaged a solid 16.6 points per game, but the West will always be ours. I will look back fondly on the West as not the worst conference division in all of power 5 college football, not as the conference division where teams would routinely struggle to score 20 points, but rather as the only Power 5 conference division in college football that had true parity. Especially in the last few years, no one ever knew who was going to win the West, it could be anyone, even bottom dwellers Northwestern pulled off a division title. It is for this reason that I believe that the Big Ten West was not only the conference division with the worst quality of football in all the land, but also the most exciting conference division in all of college sports.Given all the migraines Big Ten West teams have caused their fans over the last ten seasons, I cannot think of a more perfect HAM of the year for the first year of this award than the entirety of the Big Ten West.
Thank you for reading and Merry Christmas
*HAM stands for “having a migraine” because when I wrote this article I had a migraine thinking of all of the mind numbing events that took place this college football season.
Let's meet the finalists!
PJ Fleck-
From preseason to now, P.J. Fleck has had a season that would give any person in his situation a months-long migraine. In late July, Fleck got hit with allegations of a toxic culture in his program. The allegations appeared baseless and the story has since been forgotten, but it would be a precursor to the forgettable season his football team would have. Misfires on offense, conservative play calling, and total collapses on defense led to the most gut wrenching season of Fleck’s tenure at Minnesota. The postseason has not been the kindest to Fleck either as he has lost his defensive coordinator, two of his top recruits, and an unappealing story broke of him cursing out his quarterback in front of others after a loss where the defense gave up 49 points. The postseason has not been all bad as the Gophers were able to keep their top recruit from flipping to prestigious helmet schools. They were able to sign a solid QB in the portal, while keeping key pieces on their team. However, if it wasn’t for the win at Iowa and key pieces staying, Fleck may have found himself as the first ever HAM of the year. If you were to ask Fleck about this I am sure he would say “It’s on me.”
GopherHole Users-
This finalist spot is for all of us. Anyone who has ever come on this board during or after a Gopher football game knows about all of the migraine inducing threads and conversations we have on this message board. I personally do not see us getting off of the finalists list anytime soon.
Connor Stallions-
Connor Stallions went from a no-name member of the Michigan football staff to being in the middle of the biggest controversy in college football this year. What started out as a simple violation of in-person scouting, turned into one of the wildest stories in recent college football memory. Stallions would not just be caught going to opposing teams games and stealing signs, but he would even be caught IMPERSONATING CENTRAL MICHIGAN’S STAFF to be on the sidelines at one of their games. The story only gets more prosperous as we later find out that Stallions had written a 500 page manifesto on how he was going to take over the Michigan Football program. Stallions would resign and Harbaugh would be suspended the last three games of the season. The story is not yet over as the NCAA will likely take action this offseason. Stallions has a strong case to be HAM of the year as I am sure Harbaugh is still suffering from the biggest migraine of his life, but the winner has caused more migraines than anyone else on this list combined.
Greg Harbaugh and Matt Simon-
In their first year as co-offensive coordinators, Harbaugh and Simon produced an offense that ranked in the bottom 10 in yards and bottom 20 in points per game in the ENTIRE FBS. With unoriginal play design that did not seem to match the skill set of our players, and conservative play calling that left many Gopher faithful suffering migraines on a weekly basis. The blame does not totally fall on their shoulders. Injuries to the running back room left them with a 4th string walk on at running back for most of the season, players in key positions failed to make easy plays when they count, and no one really knows how much influence Fleck has on any given play call. However, another year of poor production might land them this dreaded award.
The College Football Playoff Committee-
The Committee was stuck between a rock and a hard place; either leave out the SEC champ or leave out an undefeated Power 5 champ. The Committee chose the former which sparked outrage, conspiracy theories, and even legal action. Whether the Committee got the decision right is up for debate, is Alabama currently better than Florida St? Probably. Was it unfair that Florida St. got left out after going undefeated and winning the ACC? Probably. The Committee has said throughout its existence that it is the four best teams in college football that get into the playoffs and not the four most deserving. This is how it should be, but it is not hard to imagine that the Committee could use this excuse to allow ESPN to put the matchups that would get the best viewership out of the top 6-8 teams rather than the actual four best teams. Regardless of your views on the Committee’s decision this year, Florida St fans will be having recurring migraines when they think back to watching the playoff selection show and seeing Alabama’s logo appear in that 4 spot. Luckily for the committee the playoffs are expanding to 12 teams next year so they will never have to worry about making up excuses as to why Alabama should make it, as well as not having to worry about leaving out a Power 4 champ.
Winner: 10 years of the Big Ten West
As it is now time to say goodbye to our beloved division, I could not find a better selection for the first ever HAM of the year than the entirety of the Big Ten West. In ten seasons of the Big Ten West, the West has accounted for 0 playoff appearances, 4 total New Years 6 bowl game appearances (3 Wisconsin 2-1 & 1 Iowa 0-1), four different division winners (Wisconsin, Iowa, Purdue, Northwestern), 5 top ten AP poll finishers (Wisconsin 2, Minnesota 1, Northwestern 1, Iowa 1) and a whopping 0 Big Ten Championships, being outscored 352-145 in those games. The West had their chances, they came closest in 2015 when Iowa was leading Michigan St 13-9 with 9:31 left. Michigan St would go on a 22 play, 9 minute drive that would result in Michigan St running back L.J. Scott stretching out his arm to score the game winning touchdown with 30 seconds left. This play sent Michigan St to the playoffs and would be the closest the West would ever be to a playoff berth.
Just how bad was the West? Well in comparison to their eastern counterpart, they have significantly less playoff berths (9-0)and NY6 bowl game appearances (20-4). Some would argue that the East has both Michigan and Ohio St, the two most dominant programs throughout the Big Ten’s entire history, so it is not a fair comparison. Well when looking across the landscape of college football, only the ACC Atlantic ties the Big Ten West for having the fewest number of teams reach a NY6 bowl game. But in the Atlantic’s defense, they are home to multiple time national champion Clemson. Every other Power 5 conference division has more NY6 teams and appearances. No other division has been blanked in their conference championship like the Big Ten West has been during this time period.
The Big Ten West may go down in infamy, especially with the fact that the last ever winner of the West averaged a solid 16.6 points per game, but the West will always be ours. I will look back fondly on the West as not the worst conference division in all of power 5 college football, not as the conference division where teams would routinely struggle to score 20 points, but rather as the only Power 5 conference division in college football that had true parity. Especially in the last few years, no one ever knew who was going to win the West, it could be anyone, even bottom dwellers Northwestern pulled off a division title. It is for this reason that I believe that the Big Ten West was not only the conference division with the worst quality of football in all the land, but also the most exciting conference division in all of college sports.Given all the migraines Big Ten West teams have caused their fans over the last ten seasons, I cannot think of a more perfect HAM of the year for the first year of this award than the entirety of the Big Ten West.
Thank you for reading and Merry Christmas
, I sense an annual tradition is upon us!! 
