Jeshurun
King of the Too's
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2008
- Messages
- 4,323
- Reaction score
- 721
- Points
- 113
The University of Minnesota has an ancient and terrible secret. The secret itself is not ancient, I must confess, but those who are hidden behind it's shroud are. In an attempt to both undermine the people of Minnesota and to cut costs in the midst of a budget crisis - the University has been using the elderly as slave labor in construction of the new on-campus football stadium.
My first clue to this came from a meeting with a shadowy figure in the lower levels of Coffman's parking ramp. He would give no identifying information, or tell how he knew these things, but he told me that something fishy was going down at the stadium construction site, and I decided to investigate. What I found may shock you - a scandal reaching to the highest levels of the University. That's right, I'm talking about Goldy Gopher himself.
Goldy Gopher is the (both literally and metaphorically) slave driver behind this construction project, and in actuality outranks President Bobby Bruiniks himself. To see Goldy engaging in wanton disrespect for human life is a signal to all of this that this institution must be overthrown and rebuilt in a manner that will prevent against future corruption. This is what we get for letting a oversized squirrel be the overseer of our precious University.
