Coach Kill: "You are expected to become a Gopher. We have erected fences around the State of Minnesota keeping all of you here."
Recruit: "But what if I am interested in going to another college out of state to play football?"
Coach Kill: "We have to keep all of you here, and you will have apply amnesty to another state, because GopherHolers say all of you must stay."
Recruit: "I guess I am gonna haffta try become an illegal resident to another state then."
Coach Kill: "Go ahead and try it. Have you ever heard of the Berlin Wall?"
Recruit: "Well, how much playing time will you guarantee me?"
Coach Kill: "I will only guarantee you an opportunity, and given the circumstances of some injuries and eventually some of our guys graduate from the University, spots do open up a year or two down the line."
Recruit: "Well, would $800,000 be asking too much then?"
Coach Kill: "You don't have to pay us a penny. In fact, we will give you a free education."
Recruit: "OK, count me in."