Merry Badger Week

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GophBen

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I think it's time for a Badgermas tale of heroes and chair legs. I will now quote from the book of St. ChinaGopher:

THIS ISN'T NICE!! STOP READING NOW IF YOU WANT SUGAR AND SWEETNESS;
Thanks to the two Gopher fans wearing Gold colored sweat shirts who came to my wife's resuce in the restaurant in NE Mpls yesterday when she was accosted and then assaulted by 3 drunken Pig Badger fans (is there any other kind?). I hope you read this board, as I know no other way to express my gratitude. It takes real tough guys to wait til I went to the rest room and then confront a middle age female trying to eat her meal and minding her own business, and attempt to tear off her Goper Sweatshirt. When she told them to get their f@#$&*g hands off her one grabbed her by the neck and lifted her up and slammed her back and head against the wall. It was at that point you guys intervened and man oh man, did you. Those guys faces are both seriously scarred and disfigured. It'll take major plastic surgery for them to look anything close to normal; otherwse, they'll spend their lives working the carnival circuit in the freak shows. I added to your work and inflicted some more damage to 2 of their heads and bodies. Hopefully, they'll be blind, and suffer from brain damage and internal bleeding along with your contributions.

I owe you guys big time and hope to find you so that I can express my gratitude personally. For the record--before the Manager rushed me out of there to avoid the Cops I asked him to shred you check so there'd be no record of who you are. He did this but without first taking your name and address for me. So your dinner and drinks are on me. Credit the debit in your checkbook. You also have a standing dinner for 4 (anything on the menu plus as many drinks as you and your guests can handle) whenever you want it. Ask for the Manager--he's the one who hustled you guys out via the service elevator to avoid the Cops (We made it out thru the kitchen). He and the family that owns the place are close friends of mine and they'll take care of you. If you want a friend for life you have one If you want to remain unknown to me that's up to you but I hope you guys can at least get that dinner, and more if you want it.
Also, the Badger Pukes somehow got off the floor and out of there seconds before the Cops came in so there was no report taken, though they did comment on the large amount of blood on the carpet. All things considered, I guess I'm thankful for the "Wild West" solution. I could have stayed and had them arrested, testified against them, and then sued them. But in this nitwit society in which we live you and I could have wound up being arrested and possibly sued too.
I don't usually condone this type of thing but when someone touches (let alone smashes) my wife There is no civilized response in my book. Lucky for them I didn't have a gun because I definitely would have used it (lucky for me too, I guess). My wife has a congenital back problem and could have wound up in a wheel chair. Fortunately she's OK. I took her to Urgent Care last night but she checks out fine. She was badly shaken though, and still is today.
So fellas, thanks for standing up and not just attempting to reason with these Red & White C@#$S*&$#@s, but doing something that saved an innocent person serious injiury. I'm indebted to you guys forever. I'm spending my Sunday fantasizing about hundreds upon hundreds of drunken Badger slob fans (is there any other kind?) flipping their cars and leaving their Red & White brains all over the freeways (their side of the border, of course). I may come away from that thought in a few days, but not yet!! My last thought on Badger fans are of the 2 other couples in the restaurant who were not with the perpetrators but made no effort to reign them in while there was still time. After I returned and was driving the leg of a chair into one of the eye sockets of one your victims a Badger bystander (the one who called the Cops on a cell phone) screamed at me "it's not fair what you're doing". Didn't have the time to deal with him but wish I could have. It'll be a long time before anybody involved forgets about this incident. Thanks guys for rescuing my beloved. Nothing more to say than if you ever need me, here I am. If you want to contact me go thru the restaurant, not here.
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And this classic reply

Hambadgermanic
Sophomore
Posts: 847
(10/17/05 12:22:19 pm)
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Bad day for me Saturday.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the game I went to a restaurant in St. Paul or Minneapolis or one of the suburbs or some other town in Minnesota. Or maybe Wisconsin. Whatever.

So me and my friend see some Gopher fan all by herself. We figured that we might as well try to rape her. Man were we drunk!

We can barely get a hand on her sweatshirt when these really fast and tough Gopher fans came out of nowhere and beat the everliving crap out of us. Man did that suck. Our blood was all over the place. It was like a small pond of blood. I couldn't even tell where my blood stopped and his blood started. We kind of laughed about being blood brothers forever. Did I mention how wasted we were?

So then these guys disappeared. They must know the owner or something. But then the worst part happened. This really good-looking, well-dressed guy came out of the bathroom. Turns out he was that girl's husband or something. Anyway, he finds out that we were going to rape his wife and he was pissed. Really pissed.

So he grabs this chair and stands over me with it. At first I didn't really care because my ass had been so kicked that I really didn't think any additional pain would even matter. But then he grabbed that chair - now this was a really really strong and tough person - and he placed the chair leg in my eye socket. He didn't push it in, I don't think. He just placed it there. I guess I was glad that he didn't push it in, because that would have really smarted. But just setting it there, in my eye socket...that really sucked.

If I could have moved I might have tried to stop him from putting the chair leg in my eyesocket. But I think all my arms and legs were shattered from that first beating. I'm not sure because I haven't gone to the hospital yet. But one of my arms looks like it has two elbows and my shoes don't point in the same direction. It was pretty hard making it to work today, although Sunday's hangover was worse. Did I mention how drunk we were?

So after the guy put the chair leg on my eye he disappeared too. There must have been a secret exit, because I didn't see any of these people leave through the front door. Somebody said that second guy was a part owner. That makes sense because he looked really wealthy and tall and good-looking. My friend and I called a cab. The cabbie came into the restaurant and carried us each out into his cab. It was an expensive cab ride. I wonder where we were.

I might go to the doctor today. I probably need stitches. This blood-soaked towel on my head probably looks ridiculous.

Anyway, let this serve as a warning. No matter how gorgeous you think Minnesota women are, don't try to rape them in restaurants. Minnesota guys are really tough and the chair legs in that state are brutal.
 

"Bad Day for me Saturday"

Classic
 

Bump. Best part of coming to GH on Minnesota/Wisconsin week is reading this and the legend of the Essen Haus stein.
 



Re: Essen Haus...we used to spit into the mugs on the wall.
 

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