Wojo's Pigskin Picks: Wolverines finally get a chance to show who they really are
Bob WojnowskiThe Detroit News
Finally, a Big Ten game worth dissecting. As much as everyone enjoyed in-depth breakdowns of Michigan-Indiana, Michigan State-Maryland and Iowa-Anybody, this is what college football is all about. No, it’s not about gigantic contracts and visually-impaired replay officials. It’s about classic showdowns between haughty national powers who annoy everybody else.
It’s Michigan-Penn State, time to find out who’s better and who’s blander. When these undefeated, top-10-ranked squads clash Saturday in the Big House, the country will get to witness the first compelling Big Ten game all season. It’s not the Wolverines’ and Nittany Lions’ fault the conference keeps trotting out sloppy posers. I mean, you can’t put Michigan-Penn State, Michigan-Ohio State and Ohio State-Penn State on the Fox High Nooner showcase broadcast every week, can you?
They would if they could. Fox is back in the Big House Saturday, shadowing Michigan for the fourth consecutive week. I’m not saying Joel Klatt has spent a lot of time in Ann Arbor. I’m just saying his name appears on the ballot for Ann Arbor city council and he has his own signature sandwich at Zingerman’s. Asked why the network stalks UM, an unnamed Fox official who I just made up summoned the Richard Gere character in “An Officer and a Gentleman” and sobbed, “I got nowhere else to goooooo!”
The Big Ten has 14 teams and only three are ranked. Four, if you count No. 24 Illinois, which I don’t. The conference’s unspoken strategy is to keep adding schools until it can’t help but squeeze more into the Top 25. Maybe all the expansion talk is scaring people, because this is the homeliest Big Ten we’ve seen in a while. I call it the Iowa-izing effect, where you roll around in the mud to get the uniform dirty, throw a few incompletions for show, and create the illusion of taut competition.
Just look around. Nebraska and Purdue continue to blow games in admirably creative ways, yet they’re tied for first in the Big Ten Waste. The Cornhuskers were so fed up that they finally fired Coach Frosty. The Baaaadgers were so embarrassed, they changed the code for Paul Chryst’s key card and didn’t tell him.
In the East, No. 2 Ohio State, No. 5 Michigan and No. 10 Penn State have lined up appropriately, but “traditional” power Michigan State apparently no longer is attempting to win. The Spartans are 0-3 in the conference and #TuckRetreatin’ is canvassing the dorms looking for students willing to play cornerback. (Or willing to become school president). According to unconfirmed reports, university administrators are using one of those gigantic, cartoonish magnifying glasses to study the fine print on one particular contract.
None of this diminishes the anticipation for Michigan-Penn State, storied programs that take turns propping each other up. Twenty-five years ago, the Wolverines stomped into Happy Valley on what was billed “Judgment Day” and edged the Nittany Lions, 34-8, launching their national championship run. That 1997 UM team is being honored this week with a special presentation from former quarterback Scott Frosty, whose whining helped the Huskers nab a share of the title. It was the last nationally relevant move Nebraska ever made.
Let’s call this “Grudgement Day,” with two similarly pretentious programs trying to settle old grudges. Both have 100,000-seat stadiums and massive alumni groups who spout obnoxious greetings — “We. Are. Penn State!” “Hi, I’m a Michigan Man!”
Both teams are eager to show their true colors. Penn State has its famous White-Out, where the entire crowd dresses like Flo from the Progressive commercials. (Recycled joke, so what?). Michigan will have another of its famous Maize-Outs, where students and most fans wear yellow shirts and yell at the grumpy older folks who insist on donning their favorite blue wool sweaters with blue ascots.
Jim Harbaugh is 4-3 against Penn State, including last year’s 21-17 thriller, which launched Michigan’s Big Ten title run and sent Penn State spiraling to a 7-6 record. James Franklin is 3-5 against Michigan, including a 27-17 victory during the pandemic two years ago, when the Nittany Lions were 0-5. Hey, it’s always nice to help a Big Ten brother out.
It’s one reason Michigan and Penn State enjoy playing each other — perception inflation. Harbaugh is 3-14 against top-10 teams and Franklin is 2-13 against top-10 teams. Yet, Franklin’s big-game pratfalls are largely overlooked, evidenced by his $75-million contract that all the cool schools are handing out these days.
This should be quite a battle, with Penn State bringing a fierce defense and a mangy, malnourished Nittany Lion mascot. That creature always reminds us why UM, citing humanitarian reasons, refuses to make a poor student wear a stinky wolverine costume. As you might know, Santa is coming to Ann Arbor, and my first of many unsolicited pieces of advice for new school president Santa Ono are: No mascots, fewer ascots, more biggie bags of NIL money.
Michigan counters Penn State’s defense with a punishing ground game led by Blake Corum, who’s shifty and short, but satisfies all Heisman height requirements. There are a few contrasting styles here. Michigan’s quarterback is mop-haired youngster J.J. McCarthy, who runs around with the enthusiasm of a sugar-buzzed kid at recess. Penn State’s quarterback is Sean Clifford, a sixth-year senior who looks like the guy that keeps showing up at campus bars in his late-20s.
The Wolverines celebrate turnovers with pricey Cartier “Buffs” sunglasses, worn on the sideline by the guy who made the play. The Nittany Lions celebrate turnovers by donning thick black-rimmed glasses with clip-on shades. Old-school all the way, baby.
As for the actual game, it’ll be decided in the trenches, where every Big Ten game is decided. Well, except for Ohio State, which consistently violates conference protocol by hiring elusive quarterbacks and dozens of speedy receivers. As the old saying goes for UM and Penn State, if you’re good in the trenches, you won’t have to spend your life digging trenches. In my estimable opinion, the Wolverines are a bit better in the trenches, which means Fox will be broadcasting from Michigan’s bye next week.
Pick: Michigan, 24-13
The picks
▶ Wisconsin at Michigan State: In a shrewd, unorthodox move, MeLLLL Tucker will rest his starters in preparation for the Michigan Super Bowl. The Spartans are determined not to show anything, pretty much their strategy all season. After the 49-20 loss to Ohio State, Tucker said he heard someone call it “JV versus varsity.” That’s unlikely to happen this week. Wisconsin does not yet qualify for varsity. Pick: Wisconsin, 37-20▶ Minnesota at Illinois: The 5-1 Illini leaped into the Top 25 despite a 9-6 victory over Iowa, with all points scored on majestic field goals. Bret Bielema has brought plus-size swagger to the Big Ten’s Waist division. The Illini have allowed only three touchdowns all season, easier to do when your schedule is littered with Iowa and other Big Ten buddies. Pick: Illinois, 26-15
https://www.detroitnews.com/story/s...m_content=MobileBelowArticleFeed-FeedRedesign
