DetlefWithTheEssenHaus
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Once again it has come to this. I, Detlef Erlichmann, proprietor of the storied Essen Haus in Madison, Wisconsin do so ardently request the return of my family's treasured 5 liter stein. For those of you new to the internet here is a synposis of my long-standing demands placed upon the dwindling fanbase of the University of Minnesota football team: (2010)http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/bo...in.-That-means-NO-GOPHER-VICTORY-THIS-WEEKEND! and (2009)http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/bo...-Stein-or-continue-to-suffer-the-consequences .
For those of you who need to know, yes, my beloved grandmother, a known witch in Bavaria, is still alive. The cursed spell still casts a black cloud over that corporate lean-to you call a stadium. This spell claimed another victim last October in the name of "Tremendous" Timmy Brewster. I actually tried to talk my grandmother into absolving Basement Brew but hell hath no fury like a scorned witch and she reminded me in no uncertain terms that her spell controls anyone who dareth clap in unsion with your "Rouser" on Saturday fall afternoons. My grandmother's temper, like Brewster's chili, is hot.
I don't know why I subject myself to this annual plea. It gets me nowhere. We at the Essen Haus have a pretty good description of the perp who absconded our 5 liter stein. What worries me is that you, the Gopher fanbase, don't care either. If you, the fans who frequent this site, don't care to return the football program to mediocrity then I'm afraid said perp does not care enough to give back our 5 liter heirloom stein. Maybe I'm starting to take the success of my Wisconsin Badger football team for granted and have eliminated any memory of the Don Morton era from the recesses of my mind and assume college football in the fall is way of life. Yes, your team is awful now but how can you people not find enjoyment in the little things that make college football special? You might not win the game but at least try to win the party. A plug here for the hospitality business but visit your local watering holes and watch some real teams play on TV before a home game. Better yet, get creative and tailgate. The traditional tailgate, I've been told by one of my regulars, has now replaced the neighborhood front porch as the last slice of Americana where people can congregate.
Seems that a much needed step has taken place in the hire of your new leader, a man of Germanic heritage with the righteous surname of Kill. This Coach Kill, unkowingly, has already fallen prey to my grandmother's curse in the form of epileptic fits in front of many of you on the afternoon of September, 10 and in the subsequent days. This Coach Kill will soon learn the further power of my grandmother's curse as the powerful Machine of Red will undoubtedly steamroll your youthful Gophers for the 8th straight year. He too will walk away in envy of the mighty Badgers and attempt to build his program in the model that is Wisconsin football.
If you want my unfettered opinion YOU people want to be just like ME. You want to cheer for a winner. You want your university's football team in the national spotlight. You want to watch your team on national television in the primetime. You want ESPN GameDay to be in your backyard. You want all the top recruits in your state to stay home. You want to smile a provencial smile while you watch lineman hailing from within your borders open another gaping hole for the running back to run through. Your want your campus to be a destination for any college football fan. You want to stand 4 deep at the bar trying to order a $6 can of Miller Lite 4 hours before kickoff! Why? Because every other bar around is even busier . You want your most-hated rivals coach to look upon your program with envy and try to copy what you are doing. You want a wooden Axe in your trophy case! You (minnesota) want to be Me (WISCONSIN) ! I'm just being real. Raw, maybe? Real Raw!
Well, if you ever want a smidgen of the success that is the University of Wisconsin football program you people need to give a damn! Giving a damn means going to games. Games in the humidity of late August. Games in the blustery chill of October. Games with a sheet of ice covering the parking lots in late November. Games against teams from the Football Championship Subdivision. Games against teams with an ordinal direction in their name. Step one - just GO! And be loud!
In closing, you people better start giving a damn! Giving a damn means giving my family back our beloved 5 liter stein! Then and only then can the University of Minnesota football program climb out of its despair.
Yours Truly,
Detlef Erlichmann
P.S. Be sure and keep the Essen Haus in mind for all your pre and post-game activities when you visit in 2012.
For those of you who need to know, yes, my beloved grandmother, a known witch in Bavaria, is still alive. The cursed spell still casts a black cloud over that corporate lean-to you call a stadium. This spell claimed another victim last October in the name of "Tremendous" Timmy Brewster. I actually tried to talk my grandmother into absolving Basement Brew but hell hath no fury like a scorned witch and she reminded me in no uncertain terms that her spell controls anyone who dareth clap in unsion with your "Rouser" on Saturday fall afternoons. My grandmother's temper, like Brewster's chili, is hot.
I don't know why I subject myself to this annual plea. It gets me nowhere. We at the Essen Haus have a pretty good description of the perp who absconded our 5 liter stein. What worries me is that you, the Gopher fanbase, don't care either. If you, the fans who frequent this site, don't care to return the football program to mediocrity then I'm afraid said perp does not care enough to give back our 5 liter heirloom stein. Maybe I'm starting to take the success of my Wisconsin Badger football team for granted and have eliminated any memory of the Don Morton era from the recesses of my mind and assume college football in the fall is way of life. Yes, your team is awful now but how can you people not find enjoyment in the little things that make college football special? You might not win the game but at least try to win the party. A plug here for the hospitality business but visit your local watering holes and watch some real teams play on TV before a home game. Better yet, get creative and tailgate. The traditional tailgate, I've been told by one of my regulars, has now replaced the neighborhood front porch as the last slice of Americana where people can congregate.
Seems that a much needed step has taken place in the hire of your new leader, a man of Germanic heritage with the righteous surname of Kill. This Coach Kill, unkowingly, has already fallen prey to my grandmother's curse in the form of epileptic fits in front of many of you on the afternoon of September, 10 and in the subsequent days. This Coach Kill will soon learn the further power of my grandmother's curse as the powerful Machine of Red will undoubtedly steamroll your youthful Gophers for the 8th straight year. He too will walk away in envy of the mighty Badgers and attempt to build his program in the model that is Wisconsin football.
If you want my unfettered opinion YOU people want to be just like ME. You want to cheer for a winner. You want your university's football team in the national spotlight. You want to watch your team on national television in the primetime. You want ESPN GameDay to be in your backyard. You want all the top recruits in your state to stay home. You want to smile a provencial smile while you watch lineman hailing from within your borders open another gaping hole for the running back to run through. Your want your campus to be a destination for any college football fan. You want to stand 4 deep at the bar trying to order a $6 can of Miller Lite 4 hours before kickoff! Why? Because every other bar around is even busier . You want your most-hated rivals coach to look upon your program with envy and try to copy what you are doing. You want a wooden Axe in your trophy case! You (minnesota) want to be Me (WISCONSIN) ! I'm just being real. Raw, maybe? Real Raw!
Well, if you ever want a smidgen of the success that is the University of Wisconsin football program you people need to give a damn! Giving a damn means going to games. Games in the humidity of late August. Games in the blustery chill of October. Games with a sheet of ice covering the parking lots in late November. Games against teams from the Football Championship Subdivision. Games against teams with an ordinal direction in their name. Step one - just GO! And be loud!
In closing, you people better start giving a damn! Giving a damn means giving my family back our beloved 5 liter stein! Then and only then can the University of Minnesota football program climb out of its despair.
Yours Truly,
Detlef Erlichmann
P.S. Be sure and keep the Essen Haus in mind for all your pre and post-game activities when you visit in 2012.
