A Homecoming Convocation

Sir Tipsy McStagger

Legend & Gopherhole Watchdog
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I want to offer a few words on this Homecoming Friday that marks the return of three true legends of the Gopherhole. As you are well aware, this place has enjoyed an new spirit; a revival, thanks to Dr. Lloyd, Mr. Leeks, and Myself, Sir Tipsy McStagger of Minnesota.

I have prepared a few remarks that will be read at the beginning of the Tailgate Podcast and this week, I would like to share them in advance. Feel free to read them allowed at your own tailgate, or if you would like a .mp3 file of my oration to play over your stereo you can PM me you email address and I will send it to you.

And now my prepared remarks:

Most of you have been tailgating for a good number of years now. I want you to take a moment, take a quiet moment to yourself now, and think about all the people who have helped you in your journey through the years. Think of all those people who have influenced you... that guy who had graduated but still lived in your hometown and bought you your first case of beer, siblings who might have done the same, and family - many of us had an uncle or grandpa that offered you a sip when nobody was looking. And don’t forget your friends, tailgate lot neighbors; the people in the community, fellow fans, and most importantly Tipsy, Lloyd, and Leeks. Take this time to remember all of them.

Remember the senior who taught you how to keg stand for the first time. Remember the others who drank with and against you to make you who you are today. Remember the employers and neighbors who hired you to do odd jobs so you could raise money to fund your booze, tailgate equipment and Gopher Football related travel thru the years. Remember the adult who played catch with you with a beer in his hand when you were just a little guy at your very first tailgate. Remember the drinking buddy who encouraged you to go on when you wanted to quit. Remember your friend who bought Lobsters once a year for the mother of all tailgates, or the buddy who'd pick up 30 Pack of Schmidts® because he knew that’s what your grandpas used to drink. And remember all of those folks who dropped everything to meet up in parking lot at 6 AM, regardless of weather and take pause to think of those who don’t tailgate with us any longer. Take this time to remember all of them.

Now, I want you to pick one person, one special person who in your mind sticks out above the rest. Someone who has tailgated with you more than the others. That person who is most responsible for you being here in this parking lot today. Think of the person who’s road-tripped to more games, the person chatted up more fatties so you could bang her hot friend, the person who just as important to your tailgate experience as your next ice cold beer. You are going to dedicate your performance today to them. This is your day to honor them, to repay them for all that they sacrificed for you!

Keep that person in your thoughts as you go all out and chug each and every beer, so that when the final warning is issued and the cops make you leave this parking lot, you will be satisfied that you honored them with a total sacrifice of yourself... from your mind, your liver, and from your body!! Let's Kick Some A$$! Go Gophers!!!


:cool02::cool02:
 

New new spirit perhaps, but it seems to be an evil spirit.
 

I will remember the guy with the lazy eye who used to hang-out by the nearest liquor store. He always treated me with respect as I asked for his help back in the day.
 

In my home town we had a mentally challenged kid who would walk to the liquor store and buy one beer at a time. If you waited in the parking lot outside the Red Owl, eventually he'd come along. Viola!
 

I always wonder what happened to Boner for Goldy and his awesome avatar.
 


I've been dry for 25 years, but I will always have a warm place in my heart for the many bartenders at Stub n' Herbs who would always have cold ones waiting when we sprinted over there at halftime during the Memorial Stadium era.

Yeah, I missed a few second half kick-offs. In fact, I missed a couple of entire second halves.
 


A heartfelt congrats to you!

Thanks, but no biggie. I just had consumed enough in 10 years to take care of an entire lifetime. That, and I was really screwing up my life. At first, I worried if Bullwinkle's could stay in business, but they've done alright.
 

Yeah, I missed a few second half kick-offs. In fact, I missed a couple of entire second halves.

Dollars to Donuts you were sprinting over to Stub & Herb's along side my Father. He's told me similar tales once or twice. The bartenders those days were even kind enough to top off a guys flask before heading back for the second half.

:cool02::cool02:
 



Dollars to Donuts you were sprinting over to Stub & Herb's along side my Father. He's told me similar tales once or twice. The bartenders those days were even kind enough to top off a guys flask before heading back for the second half.

:cool02::cool02:

You could get loaded and get your wind sprints and 12-ounce curls in on the same afternoon. Great workout program for the 20-somethings!
 





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