Parody Transfer Portal Commitment Post/Article

Oatmeal Savage

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I’m a bit bored and impatient in this transfer portal waiting game, so enjoy:

Hunter Dickinson COMMITTED!

Michigan transfer Hunter Dickinson has committed to the University of Minnesota for the upcoming season. When asked about why he chose Minnesota, he mentioned that he always wanted to be a radio DJ, Coach Ben Johnson was the 10th caller, and as a result the winner of his services. Plus, the big man mentioned that he already had a lot of clothing with the letter M featured prominently; it should be an easy transition.

When asked about what kind of role or playing time he might expect, the new Gopher expects to back up sophomore Pharrel Payne and maybe get a few extra minutes if Payne gets in foul trouble. “I’ll be so helpful when we face Michigan. On the scout team I can take the Hunter Dickinson role…wait…I wonder if Coach Johnson will let me be Caleb Love?”

Like many other transfers, it appears that Dickinson was also swayed by NIL money. “I have a handshake agreement with General Mills. They say that their new athlete-focused cereal is going to be Fiber One. Hopefully my on-the-court production will be as regular as other areas of my life.”

With this big-man commitment Johnson and his staff will likely turn back to guard and have apparently offered unsigned Bronny James a walk-on spot. The scout team for this coming year might be one of the country’s best.
 


I don’t think he could really help the Gophers!
 





Welcome Tevin Brewer the newest Gopher. ‘I always thought I would finish my career here at Duquesne but when then I got a text to come play at MN and be a golden golfer or something like that.’
 




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