Wojo’s Pigskin Picks: From griping to hyping, Big Ten set to crash college football party
Bob Wojnowski
The Detroit News
Here they finally come, burly dudes wearing varsity jackets two sizes too small, crashing a party that’s half over. Here they come, Buckeyes and Spartans, Wolverines and Hawkeyes, Badgers and Gophers, smiling coaches and ADs, disheveled presidents and chancellors. Here they all come, snatching drinks from startled guests, demanding the music be switched to '70s classics.
The Big Ten took its time reviewing data and considering questions such as “What the $@#%& are you doing?” and is arriving fashionably late to the 2020 college football bash. Too late? Hey, don’t ask me, ask the stupid virus. But it appears Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame and others already have gotten busy on the dance floor, if you get my meaning.
The Big Ten is back this weekend because the only thing scarier than a pandemic is the loss of TV revenue and the sound of angry, frothing Buckeyes. Oh, and it’s great for the athletes, coaches and fans, and also for the school presidents who don’t have to peek out their windows anymore wondering what the commotion is on their front lawns.
Let’s be clear here. The Buckeyes are the ones who stirred the ruckus, rounded up the gang and demanded everyone join them. Sidekick Nebraska was eager to tag along, but Purdue, Illinois, Northwestern, Maryland and Rutgers had to be dragged out of bed. Eventually, after much brow-beating and nerd-bashing, the rest of the conference toned down the hand-wringing and cranked up the hand-washing.
Was the Big Ten being dutifully cautious (pronounced “stubborn”) back in August, when it was wary of a COVID surge? Sure it was. So what did it do? Postponed and waited for the next surge!
Listen. I’m not saying the Big Ten’s timing has been sub-optimal. I’m just saying it’s storming a party where the spiked punch is gone and the only snack left is a heavily pawed bowl of Chex Mix.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/spon...toms-these-6-simple-home-remedies/3726919001/
To be fair, nobody saw any of this coming, except for every single scientist on the planet. But truly, there were mixed messages and muddled stats and unclear protocols. And predictably, the season has been stalled several times, notably in the haughty SEC, where Florida and LSU have been unmasked and unhinged.
The sport’s leaders considered all sorts of stadium variables – some fans, no fans, only skinny fans without runny noses. But it overlooked one aspect of American life that has never changed: College students have an insatiable need to gather in sweaty groups and chug beer from red Solo cups while tossing ping-pong balls soiled by other slobbering humans.
Students will not be denied that right – “Hey hey! Ho ho! This six-foot restriction has got to go!” Uh, until the universities lock them in their dorm rooms and slide tin trays with bologna sandwiches under the door. Michigan just locked down its campus amid the latest surge. Michigan State previously locked down its training facility, and also locked out kids from bars that were doubling as 80-proof Petri dishes. At Northwestern, I heard authorities broke up several large math club gatherings and confiscated cases of black-cherry hard seltzers.
But as this picks column went to print, the Big Ten still was preparing to play a season, which we think might be fascinating. For instance, we get to address the next round of Jim Harbaugh debates, which is always fun. Is this the year he finally beats Ohio State and gets Michigan to the Big Ten title game? Is this the year he unveils his own hand-picked star quarterback? Is Joe Milton a real person or a mythical figure only whispered about?
Michigan State has even more questions, from who’s the quarterback to who’s on defense to who’s the coach? It’s no longer Mark D’Antonio, who took his scowl and stray apostrophes into retirement. A nice man by the name of Mel Tucker took over, and he promises to have tough, hard-nosed players, whether he knows their names or not.
Nobody in the Big Ten wants to admit it, but the season is back mainly because the SEC is playing (occasionally). There are differences, though. A random SEC coach – for instance, say, Nick Saban – could test positive 15 minutes before a game, then take repeated tests during every commercial break until he’s cleared to return to the sideline.
The Big Ten is slightly stricter. If a player tests positive, he could be out three weeks, unless it’s determined through rigorous followups that he plays for Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan or Wisconsin. Sorry, that’s how it has to be. The conference desperately wants to send someone to the four-team playoff to avoid being called the Tiny Ten, or Buckeyes and their Little Buddies.
Obviously, Ohio State is the most likely national-champion candidate, with a Heisman contender in Justin Fields, a loaded roster, a dangerously loaded fan base and a coach in Ryan Day determined to prove he’s not just Urban Lite. Commissioner Kevin “The Warden” Warren got so sick of hearing from coaches, parents and POTUSes, he finally shredded all the scientific data, put the school presidents on mute and devised a schedule extensive enough for the champion to be considered for the playoff.
More: Mel Tucker: Fundamentals, execution will determine how far MSU goes
It’ll be tricky squeezing nine games into nine weeks, and I’m sure the conference felt extra dirty giving Ohio State the easiest schedule, by far. But this is big business, and if the Big Ten is gonna find someone to compete with the big boys, it has to make concessions, such as sacrificing Nebraska to the Buckeyes in the opener Saturday.
There is some benefit to the late start. College football graciously allowed five Big Ten teams to hold a spot in the polls, while alleged contenders such as Oklahoma, LSU and Texas dropped multiple games. The Big Ten wanted a seat before the music stopped, so here we go. Grab a chair, keep your distance and root for the conference’s MVP, which almost certainly will be the humble nasal swab.
The picks
►Michigan at Minnesota: In this bizarre new world, the Gophers are sort of expected to win because they have a good quarterback and a peppy coach, P.J. Fleck, perpetually hooked to an IV of Red Bull. ESPN’s College GameDay will be there, and no, not just to cover Joe Milton’s debut. It’s a cherished trophy game! According to unsubstantiated sources, Michigan officials searched fraternities and dorms all week to find the Little Brown Jug, then spent hours disinfecting it. Lift at your own discretion, fellas. Pick: Michigan 30-23.
►Rutgers at Michigan State: Not to be outdone, the Spartans have their own mythical quarterback – Rocky Lombardi, which sounds like the perfect sports stage name. I’ll be very disappointed if we discover his real name is Edgar Schumpelfuss. Michigan State’s new coach is Mel Tucker, who already broke one of Mark D’Antonio’s traditions by declining to declare the Spartans tragically disrespected. He does plan to continue the tradition of running the ball, even when they can’t. Pick: Michigan State 20-10
►Nebraska at Ohio State: The poor Cornhuskers were all fired up to play, filing lawsuits and threatening to flee the conference. The Big Ten listened to their hissy-fit, then gave them the option of joining the MAC or opening in Columbus. The Cornhuskers gulped hard and decided to take their punishment. The Buckeyes plan to thank them in their own special way. Pick: Ohio State 48-17
[email protected]
Bob Wojnowski
The Detroit News
Here they finally come, burly dudes wearing varsity jackets two sizes too small, crashing a party that’s half over. Here they come, Buckeyes and Spartans, Wolverines and Hawkeyes, Badgers and Gophers, smiling coaches and ADs, disheveled presidents and chancellors. Here they all come, snatching drinks from startled guests, demanding the music be switched to '70s classics.
The Big Ten took its time reviewing data and considering questions such as “What the $@#%& are you doing?” and is arriving fashionably late to the 2020 college football bash. Too late? Hey, don’t ask me, ask the stupid virus. But it appears Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame and others already have gotten busy on the dance floor, if you get my meaning.
The Big Ten is back this weekend because the only thing scarier than a pandemic is the loss of TV revenue and the sound of angry, frothing Buckeyes. Oh, and it’s great for the athletes, coaches and fans, and also for the school presidents who don’t have to peek out their windows anymore wondering what the commotion is on their front lawns.
Let’s be clear here. The Buckeyes are the ones who stirred the ruckus, rounded up the gang and demanded everyone join them. Sidekick Nebraska was eager to tag along, but Purdue, Illinois, Northwestern, Maryland and Rutgers had to be dragged out of bed. Eventually, after much brow-beating and nerd-bashing, the rest of the conference toned down the hand-wringing and cranked up the hand-washing.
Was the Big Ten being dutifully cautious (pronounced “stubborn”) back in August, when it was wary of a COVID surge? Sure it was. So what did it do? Postponed and waited for the next surge!
Listen. I’m not saying the Big Ten’s timing has been sub-optimal. I’m just saying it’s storming a party where the spiked punch is gone and the only snack left is a heavily pawed bowl of Chex Mix.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/spon...toms-these-6-simple-home-remedies/3726919001/
To be fair, nobody saw any of this coming, except for every single scientist on the planet. But truly, there were mixed messages and muddled stats and unclear protocols. And predictably, the season has been stalled several times, notably in the haughty SEC, where Florida and LSU have been unmasked and unhinged.
The sport’s leaders considered all sorts of stadium variables – some fans, no fans, only skinny fans without runny noses. But it overlooked one aspect of American life that has never changed: College students have an insatiable need to gather in sweaty groups and chug beer from red Solo cups while tossing ping-pong balls soiled by other slobbering humans.
Students will not be denied that right – “Hey hey! Ho ho! This six-foot restriction has got to go!” Uh, until the universities lock them in their dorm rooms and slide tin trays with bologna sandwiches under the door. Michigan just locked down its campus amid the latest surge. Michigan State previously locked down its training facility, and also locked out kids from bars that were doubling as 80-proof Petri dishes. At Northwestern, I heard authorities broke up several large math club gatherings and confiscated cases of black-cherry hard seltzers.
But as this picks column went to print, the Big Ten still was preparing to play a season, which we think might be fascinating. For instance, we get to address the next round of Jim Harbaugh debates, which is always fun. Is this the year he finally beats Ohio State and gets Michigan to the Big Ten title game? Is this the year he unveils his own hand-picked star quarterback? Is Joe Milton a real person or a mythical figure only whispered about?
Michigan State has even more questions, from who’s the quarterback to who’s on defense to who’s the coach? It’s no longer Mark D’Antonio, who took his scowl and stray apostrophes into retirement. A nice man by the name of Mel Tucker took over, and he promises to have tough, hard-nosed players, whether he knows their names or not.
Nobody in the Big Ten wants to admit it, but the season is back mainly because the SEC is playing (occasionally). There are differences, though. A random SEC coach – for instance, say, Nick Saban – could test positive 15 minutes before a game, then take repeated tests during every commercial break until he’s cleared to return to the sideline.
The Big Ten is slightly stricter. If a player tests positive, he could be out three weeks, unless it’s determined through rigorous followups that he plays for Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan or Wisconsin. Sorry, that’s how it has to be. The conference desperately wants to send someone to the four-team playoff to avoid being called the Tiny Ten, or Buckeyes and their Little Buddies.
Obviously, Ohio State is the most likely national-champion candidate, with a Heisman contender in Justin Fields, a loaded roster, a dangerously loaded fan base and a coach in Ryan Day determined to prove he’s not just Urban Lite. Commissioner Kevin “The Warden” Warren got so sick of hearing from coaches, parents and POTUSes, he finally shredded all the scientific data, put the school presidents on mute and devised a schedule extensive enough for the champion to be considered for the playoff.
More: Mel Tucker: Fundamentals, execution will determine how far MSU goes
It’ll be tricky squeezing nine games into nine weeks, and I’m sure the conference felt extra dirty giving Ohio State the easiest schedule, by far. But this is big business, and if the Big Ten is gonna find someone to compete with the big boys, it has to make concessions, such as sacrificing Nebraska to the Buckeyes in the opener Saturday.
There is some benefit to the late start. College football graciously allowed five Big Ten teams to hold a spot in the polls, while alleged contenders such as Oklahoma, LSU and Texas dropped multiple games. The Big Ten wanted a seat before the music stopped, so here we go. Grab a chair, keep your distance and root for the conference’s MVP, which almost certainly will be the humble nasal swab.
The picks
►Michigan at Minnesota: In this bizarre new world, the Gophers are sort of expected to win because they have a good quarterback and a peppy coach, P.J. Fleck, perpetually hooked to an IV of Red Bull. ESPN’s College GameDay will be there, and no, not just to cover Joe Milton’s debut. It’s a cherished trophy game! According to unsubstantiated sources, Michigan officials searched fraternities and dorms all week to find the Little Brown Jug, then spent hours disinfecting it. Lift at your own discretion, fellas. Pick: Michigan 30-23.
►Rutgers at Michigan State: Not to be outdone, the Spartans have their own mythical quarterback – Rocky Lombardi, which sounds like the perfect sports stage name. I’ll be very disappointed if we discover his real name is Edgar Schumpelfuss. Michigan State’s new coach is Mel Tucker, who already broke one of Mark D’Antonio’s traditions by declining to declare the Spartans tragically disrespected. He does plan to continue the tradition of running the ball, even when they can’t. Pick: Michigan State 20-10
►Nebraska at Ohio State: The poor Cornhuskers were all fired up to play, filing lawsuits and threatening to flee the conference. The Big Ten listened to their hissy-fit, then gave them the option of joining the MAC or opening in Columbus. The Cornhuskers gulped hard and decided to take their punishment. The Buckeyes plan to thank them in their own special way. Pick: Ohio State 48-17
[email protected]
