plebian--'The noble Maturi is ascended. Silence.'
Maturi---'Gopher fans, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my cause; and be silent, that you may hear: believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge. If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of Brewster’s, to him I say, that Maturi’s love to Brewster was no less than his. If then that friend demand why Maturi rose against Brewster, this is my answer: Not that I loved Brewster less, but that I loved Minnesota more. Had you rather Brewster were living, and die all slaves, than that Brew were dead, to live all free men? As Brewster loved me, I weep for him; as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was valiant, I honour him; but, as he was deficient, I slew him. There are tears for his love; joy for his fortune; honour for his valour; and death for his failures. Who is here so base that would be a bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so rude that would not be a Gopher? If any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so vile that will not love his University? If any, speak; for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.
Fans 'None Maturi, None'
Maturi--'Then none have I offended. I have done no more to Brewster than you shall do to Maturi. The question of his death is enrolled in the Stadium; his glory not extenuated, wherein he was worthy, nor his offences enforced, for which he suffered death.'
Enter Sid and Others, with Brewster’s body.
Maturi--'Here comes his body, mourned by Sid Hartman: who, though he had no hand in his death, shall receive the benefit of his dying, a place in the common wealth; as which of you shall not? With this I depart: that, as I slew my best lover for the good of Minnesota, I have the same dagger for myself, when it shall please my Maroon and Gold brethren to need my death.'
Sid--- 'Friends, Gophers, Badger haters, lend me your ears; 52
I come to bury Brewster, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Brew. The noble Maturi 56
Hath told you Brewster was deficient;
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Brewster answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Maturi and the rest,— 60
For Maturi is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men,—
Come I to speak in Brew’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:... 64
I speak not to disprove what Maturi spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know. 80
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish Hawkeye-esque beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me; 84
My heart is in the coffin there with Brewster,
And I must pause till it come back to me...
For Maturi, as you know, was Brewster’s angel: 160
Judge, O you gods! how dearly Brewster lov’d him.
This was the Most Unkindest Cut of all;
For when the noble Brewster saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms, 164
Quite vanquish’d him: then burst his mighty heart;
And, in his mantle muffling up his face,
Even at the base of Bierman's statua...but were I Maturi, 204
And Maturi Sid, there were a Sid
Would ruffle up your spirits, and put a tongue
In every wound of Brew, that should move
The stones of the twin cities to rise and mutiny.'
Crowd of old Sid fans
'We’ll mutiny!'
'We’ll burn the house of Brutus.' 'Away, then! come, seek the conspirators.' 'Never, never! Come, away, away! We’ll burn his body in the holy place', 'And with the brands fire the traitors' houses!'. 'Take up the body! Go fetch fire! Pluck down benches. Pluck down forms, windows, any thing!'
Maturi---'Gopher fans, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my cause; and be silent, that you may hear: believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge. If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of Brewster’s, to him I say, that Maturi’s love to Brewster was no less than his. If then that friend demand why Maturi rose against Brewster, this is my answer: Not that I loved Brewster less, but that I loved Minnesota more. Had you rather Brewster were living, and die all slaves, than that Brew were dead, to live all free men? As Brewster loved me, I weep for him; as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was valiant, I honour him; but, as he was deficient, I slew him. There are tears for his love; joy for his fortune; honour for his valour; and death for his failures. Who is here so base that would be a bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so rude that would not be a Gopher? If any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so vile that will not love his University? If any, speak; for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.
Fans 'None Maturi, None'
Maturi--'Then none have I offended. I have done no more to Brewster than you shall do to Maturi. The question of his death is enrolled in the Stadium; his glory not extenuated, wherein he was worthy, nor his offences enforced, for which he suffered death.'
Enter Sid and Others, with Brewster’s body.
Maturi--'Here comes his body, mourned by Sid Hartman: who, though he had no hand in his death, shall receive the benefit of his dying, a place in the common wealth; as which of you shall not? With this I depart: that, as I slew my best lover for the good of Minnesota, I have the same dagger for myself, when it shall please my Maroon and Gold brethren to need my death.'
Sid--- 'Friends, Gophers, Badger haters, lend me your ears; 52
I come to bury Brewster, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Brew. The noble Maturi 56
Hath told you Brewster was deficient;
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Brewster answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Maturi and the rest,— 60
For Maturi is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men,—
Come I to speak in Brew’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:... 64
I speak not to disprove what Maturi spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know. 80
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish Hawkeye-esque beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me; 84
My heart is in the coffin there with Brewster,
And I must pause till it come back to me...
For Maturi, as you know, was Brewster’s angel: 160
Judge, O you gods! how dearly Brewster lov’d him.
This was the Most Unkindest Cut of all;
For when the noble Brewster saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms, 164
Quite vanquish’d him: then burst his mighty heart;
And, in his mantle muffling up his face,
Even at the base of Bierman's statua...but were I Maturi, 204
And Maturi Sid, there were a Sid
Would ruffle up your spirits, and put a tongue
In every wound of Brew, that should move
The stones of the twin cities to rise and mutiny.'
Crowd of old Sid fans
'We’ll mutiny!'
'We’ll burn the house of Brutus.' 'Away, then! come, seek the conspirators.' 'Never, never! Come, away, away! We’ll burn his body in the holy place', 'And with the brands fire the traitors' houses!'. 'Take up the body! Go fetch fire! Pluck down benches. Pluck down forms, windows, any thing!'
