Roof collapses at TCF Bank Stadium

RodentRampage

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December 15, 2010, 10:37 AM, Minneapolis Minnesota.

Roof collapses at TCF Bank Stadium.

"This collapse of our roof has exposed our stadium to over 19,000 pounds of air pressure per square yard," stated University of Minnesota Athletic director Joel Maturi. [1] "It also leaves the field exposed to electromagnetic radiation, most notably in a range between 390 and 750 nanometers," continued Mr. Maturi. [2] "Our physics department has indicated that looking directly at this radiation source can be dangeroud for extended periods of time. People whose bodies have been exposed to this radiation source have often experienced symptoms such as a darkening of the skin." [3]

In addition, sources in the Chemistry department have noted that the roof collapse has left TCF Bank Stadium exposed to Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) [4], both in its crystalline and molten form. Dihydrogen monoxide:

is called "hydroxyl acid", the substance is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the "greenhouse effect".
may cause severe burns.
is fatal if inhaled.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
as an industrial solvent and coolant.
in nuclear power plants.
in the production of Styrofoam.
as a fire retardant.
in many forms of cruel animal research.
in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

[1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atmospheric_pressure
[2]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visible_spectrum
[3]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_tanning
[4]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DHMO
 


x-files-believe-796806.jpg
 

It's all true. Well aside from the roof collapsing at TCF, which is impossible for obvious reasons. But everything else was true.

There really is over 19,000 pounds of air pressure per square yard acting on the stadium. But that's normal atmospheric pressure. 14.7 pounds per square inch * 1296 = 19051.2. (1296 is the number of square inches in a square yard.)

And TCF Bank Stadium is exposed to electromagnetic radiation. The frequency range of 390 and 750 nanometers is the visible light spectrum. The source of the radiation does cause skin to darken: a suntan.

And Dihydrogen Monoxide is real. It's just a fancy name for water.

I give myself 10/10 plus bonus points.
 

We need to bring in the guy who designed and build this roof and get it fixed. It must still be under warranty!
 





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