Reading Mitch Albom in the Freep is even better...
As the name "Rodriguez" sails quickly into the sunset,
OH, I THINK THAT NAME IS DESTINED TO LIVE ON IN INFAMY. MAYBE EVEN BECOME A VERB. GARY MOELLER MUST BE RELIEVED TO KNOW HE'S NO LONGER THE MOST EMBARRASSING SCum COACH EVER
another name comes barreling in, splitting the maize-and-blue waters like a battleship.
OH BARF
Brandon.
Until Wednesday, he was a shadow, a looming character in the play.
I'M THINKING FALSTAFF
Today, Dave Brandon IS the play. All things go through him. He is not just the Michigan athletic director, he is the gatekeeper, the oracle, the latest to wear the ring in "Lord of the Rings."
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT WASN'T THE DUDE WHO WANTED THE RING IN LotR THE BAD GUY?
All that came before, he inherited.
Related: Michigan fires Rich Rodriguez
All that comes now, he creates.
EITHER WAY A PILE OF POOH SMELLS BAD
"My timetable," Brandon told the media, "is go fast, but do it the right way."
OK, YOU WAITED 2 MONTHS TO S-CAN DICKROD, AND THEN FLOPPED GOING AFTER THE GOLDEN BOY HARBAUGH. I'D SAY HE'S OH FER DUECE SO FAR
He might want to pick up the pace. Brandon spent more than 3 hours grilling Rich Rodriguez on Tuesday, then he said he still needed an evening to think it over. This proves Rodriguez is better at explaining than winning.
OR HE HAD PHOTOS OF BRANDON WITH A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
But in the end, Brandon fired his coach, which is what most fans expected and even more wanted.
WASN'T WHAT I WANTED
His next step will not be as widely popular.
WELCOME TO A SCHOOL WITH A PSYCHOTIC FAN BASE
"It's not a vote," Brandon warned, and he should say it again. Because every fan has a favorite. And according to Brandon, every coach is in play.
Well. Every coach except Jim Harbaugh.
I WAS ABOUT TO TYPE THE SAME THING. YOU CAN PROLLY ADD GRUDEN & COWHER TO THAT LIST
The candidates' résumés
The ex-Wolverine whom nearly everyone had penciled in for the job apparently has less interest in nostalgic Saturdays than high-paying Sundays.
IT SAYS SOMETHING THAT HE'D RATHER WORK FOR A CRAZY OWNER IN SF THAN FOR A TOOL IN AA
"This will surprise you," Brandon joked in a conversation Wednesday afternoon, "but one of the requirements for this job is that you got to want to come to Michigan. ...
GET OVER YOURSELF!
"I believe that Jim is headed to the NFL. That's what he wants to do."
One down, rest of the world to go.
INTRODUCING THE NEXT COACH OF THE WOLVERINES, SINDHAR PUNGALOO!
I'll give Brandon props for this: He already has been more forthright than most in the history of the Michigan football program. In Ann Arbor, they don't just play it close to the vest, they hide the buttons.
YEAH MITCH, ITS A BUMMER WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO SOME JOURNALISM, AS OPPOSED TO HAVING A BUNCH OF PROPAGANDA HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATTER. HOW ARE SALES GOING ON THAT FAB 5 BOOK YOU WROTE A WHILE BACK
But Brandon, in addition to chuckling
CHUCKLING, GROVELLING, WEEPING, WHATEVER
over Harbaugh, also admitted:
1) He wants a man with head coaching experience, not some promising assistant.
I GUESS SCum'S DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR NEED NOT APPLY
2) He's willing to pay top dollar, something new for Michigan.
THEY SURE PAID ENOUGH FOR DICKROD.
3) He doesn't mind taking some coach away from some other school.
CAUSE HE'S A *&^!#*&^!#*&^!#*&^!#*&^!#*&^!#
"No," he said, when I posed that point-blank. "I've had that done to me. I have 27 other sports. ... The idea of schools coming after coaches is not a new concept."
YEAH, I'LL BET SCHOOLS ARE LINING UP TO INTERVIEW YOUR BASKETBALL COACH. HAR!
This means people like Les Miles are on the board, despite his
NEARLY BUMBLING AWAY EVERY GAME THIS SEASON
status at LSU.
So, in theory, is Kirk Ferentz at Iowa, despite
SUCKING THIS YEAR
a contract to 2020, and so, in theory, is every coach in America, with or without a job.
IT'LL BE INTERESTING IF MIKE LEACH EVEN GETS A MENTION
That's a lot of candidates.
Assessing that many candidates will take time. So will Brandon's admitted preference for being thorough and disciplined.
YEAH, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE A COACH IN PLACE BEFORE SIGNING DAY?
But time is not his friend. The longer this goes, the more unsettled fans become, the more candidates get gobbled up or turned off, and the more cards you have to play on the table. And don't even start on recruiting, where every minute of indecision is used by your rivals as a sign of weakness.
THIS YEAR'S SCum CLASS IS PROLLY GONNA INCLUDE A GIRL. WHO COULD PROBABLY KICK BETTER THAN THEIR CURRENT PK
But Brandon knows this is a long-haul decision.
TRANSLATION: IF HE FUGS THIS UP HE CAN GO BACK TO DELIVERING PIZZA'S
He also knows it's his.
WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY, SPIDERMAN
A case for the defense
Fans should be encouraged that Brandon, still new to the job, bravely carved into the sacred
AND BLOATED. AND FESTERING
cow of U-M athletics. He admitted football is the engine of the whole program and the front door of the school's image.
THIS WAS A SHOCK? I THOUGHT THEY WERE A BASKETBALL SCHOOL
He also remarked, when asked if the next coach had to be defensive-minded, "I want the ball boys to be defensive-minded."
THE BALL BOYS MAY BE PLAYING NEXT YEAR
That made Bo Schembechler smile, I'm sure.
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SMILE IN HELL?
No one will be happy until a coach is picked.
AND THEN THEY'LL BE LESS HAPPY
And in the days to come, names will shoot to the top and shoot back down. Let's learn something from those who so quickly had Harbaugh with the whistle around his neck. Nothing is done until it's done.
PUT THE CRACK PIPE DOWN
And nothing is great until it is proven.
THEN ITS OVERRATED
Rodriguez -- hailed as great when he got here -- had plenty of chances to prove his talents.
OR THE LACK THEREOF
It didn't happen. Now he's off the hook and floating away,
HE'S ALREADY ON A CHEMICAL EQUIPMENT WEBSITE, BUYING PARTS FOR HIS NEW MOONSHINE STILL WITH HIS 2.5 LARGE.
and a new man gets his chance in the hot light. Make no mistake. This is the Wolverines' most important hire in recent memory. And Dave Brandon is, for the moment, the face of Michigan football.
EITHER THEY HIRE SOME MICHIGAN MAN WHO'S A TOTAL BOOB, OR THEY ACCIDENTALLY HIRE SOMEONE COMPETENT WHO GETS UNDERMINED BY THE PSYCHO ALUMNI FOR NOT HAVING EVER KISSED BO'S AZZ (OR OTHER BODY PART). THIS REALLY IS A NO-LOSE SITUATION. ONE THING THAT'S INTERESTING IN THIS ARTICLE IS THAT THERE IS NO MENTION OF BRADY HOKE. I GUESS WE KNOW WHICH CAMP BOBO ALBOM IS IN.
