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Maturi Hires Hoke, Golden, Mullen, and Leach; Maybe Edsall Too
AP, MINNEAPOLIS: In a stunner, University of Minnesota Atheletics Director Joel Maturi announced today that he has hired not one but four individuals to coach the Golden Gopher football team. On October 17, 2010, Maturi fired former head coach Tim Brewster after the a 28-17 loss to the Purdue Boilermakers. At that time, the Gophers had fallen to 1-6 including a humiliating home loss to South Dakota, a middling FBS program. Maturi made the mid-season move in hopes to get a jump start on the University's coaching search.
The Gophers' season ended this past Sunday and rumors from multiple media outlets swirled that a number of potential coaches had turned down offers from Maturi. With Maturi's latest announcement, the opposite has turned out to be true.
According to Maturi, Brady Hoke (head coach, San Diego State), Al Golden (head coach, Temple), Dan Mullen (head coach, Mississippi State), and Mike Leach (former head coach, Texas Tech) have all accepted offers today to coach the Golden Gophers in 2011. "We are very pleased with our coaching decisions," Maturi said. "Coach Hoke, Golden, Mullen, and Leach are all top-notch football minds as well as high quality individuals. We went into this search seeking what I called a 'Tubby Smith-type' hire. When it became apparent that no one individual could measure up to Tubby Smith, I realized we would have to find the qualities we loved in Coach Smith from multiple sources--which is why we now have four head coaches." President Bruinicks was not in attendance.
Maturi's announcement set off a frenzy of with the media corps in attendance. Visably sweating and seemingly nervous, Maturi quickly exited without taking any questions.
University officials were less than pleased. "I'm not sure what the hell happened." Said University Regent Dean Johnson. "My contacts in the atheletic department tell me nobody wanted the job and Maturi started throwing out $3 million offers left and right. Mona was working on Coach Golden, Bruinicks on Mullen, and Maturi on Hoke. Leach kept calling and no one would even talk to him, yet he must of been plan D or E because here he is with one of four $3 million contracts to coach the Gophers. I guess all four called within the last two hours, all accepting offers. Unbelieveable."
"Now we've got to deal with three contact buyouts totaling somewhere around $5 million," Johnson stated. "We'll have a hard time not bankrupting the central administration fund because we sure know that the atheletic department won't be able to cover these expenditures. Bruinicks this we'll cover this with alcohol sales at the stadium. Good luck with the legislature, Bob."
Hoke and Golden, when individually reached by phone, were also concerned. "They hired more than one coach? My agent's on the other line, I'll have to get back to you. Hey, did Rodriguez get fired yet?" said Hoke. Golden was also in the dark, "What? you're telling me Dave Mona isn't the atheletic director at Minnesota? Crap."
Leach on the other hand, looked forward to the challenge:
"As I see it, even Captain Jack Sparrow needed help to right the Black Pearl. Hoke is my Barbossa. Golden and Mullen are young, up and coming Will Turner-types. And the Little Brown Jug is the dead man's chest--you get the idea."
UPDATE: The associated press has just learned that Maturi has since resigned via twitter. "I quit," he tweeted. "Suck it Bruinicks! Go Badgers!"
AP, MINNEAPOLIS: In a stunner, University of Minnesota Atheletics Director Joel Maturi announced today that he has hired not one but four individuals to coach the Golden Gopher football team. On October 17, 2010, Maturi fired former head coach Tim Brewster after the a 28-17 loss to the Purdue Boilermakers. At that time, the Gophers had fallen to 1-6 including a humiliating home loss to South Dakota, a middling FBS program. Maturi made the mid-season move in hopes to get a jump start on the University's coaching search.
The Gophers' season ended this past Sunday and rumors from multiple media outlets swirled that a number of potential coaches had turned down offers from Maturi. With Maturi's latest announcement, the opposite has turned out to be true.
According to Maturi, Brady Hoke (head coach, San Diego State), Al Golden (head coach, Temple), Dan Mullen (head coach, Mississippi State), and Mike Leach (former head coach, Texas Tech) have all accepted offers today to coach the Golden Gophers in 2011. "We are very pleased with our coaching decisions," Maturi said. "Coach Hoke, Golden, Mullen, and Leach are all top-notch football minds as well as high quality individuals. We went into this search seeking what I called a 'Tubby Smith-type' hire. When it became apparent that no one individual could measure up to Tubby Smith, I realized we would have to find the qualities we loved in Coach Smith from multiple sources--which is why we now have four head coaches." President Bruinicks was not in attendance.
Maturi's announcement set off a frenzy of with the media corps in attendance. Visably sweating and seemingly nervous, Maturi quickly exited without taking any questions.
University officials were less than pleased. "I'm not sure what the hell happened." Said University Regent Dean Johnson. "My contacts in the atheletic department tell me nobody wanted the job and Maturi started throwing out $3 million offers left and right. Mona was working on Coach Golden, Bruinicks on Mullen, and Maturi on Hoke. Leach kept calling and no one would even talk to him, yet he must of been plan D or E because here he is with one of four $3 million contracts to coach the Gophers. I guess all four called within the last two hours, all accepting offers. Unbelieveable."
"Now we've got to deal with three contact buyouts totaling somewhere around $5 million," Johnson stated. "We'll have a hard time not bankrupting the central administration fund because we sure know that the atheletic department won't be able to cover these expenditures. Bruinicks this we'll cover this with alcohol sales at the stadium. Good luck with the legislature, Bob."
Hoke and Golden, when individually reached by phone, were also concerned. "They hired more than one coach? My agent's on the other line, I'll have to get back to you. Hey, did Rodriguez get fired yet?" said Hoke. Golden was also in the dark, "What? you're telling me Dave Mona isn't the atheletic director at Minnesota? Crap."
Leach on the other hand, looked forward to the challenge:
"As I see it, even Captain Jack Sparrow needed help to right the Black Pearl. Hoke is my Barbossa. Golden and Mullen are young, up and coming Will Turner-types. And the Little Brown Jug is the dead man's chest--you get the idea."
UPDATE: The associated press has just learned that Maturi has since resigned via twitter. "I quit," he tweeted. "Suck it Bruinicks! Go Badgers!"
