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Schnauzer

Schnauzer

Pretty Sure You are Wrong
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This board does a pretty good job of staying on task with Gopher football. I am happy that it doesn't fall into politics, etc.

So, with that in mind I am considering the following request to STILL be Gopher-football related even though it may not seem that way. I continue to have a lump in my throat over the horrific loss on Saturday. USC is coming to town and that should be enough to get pumped but I can't shake the overall feelings of despair. So, post something funny to help me, and others like me...
 


picture.php
 




Blank space? You are a cheap date.
 

Denny Crane(Boston Legal)

• From “’Til We Meat Again” (Season 1):
Protesting a ban on red meat: “We’re carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.”
 





This will either make you laugh or cry.

I watched the game on Saturday with my brother-in-law. During which he made fun of the U of M students for poorly attending the game and not filling the student section to the top of the stadium. Funny thing is he is a student season ticket holder for football and basketball. Not sure what it means, but it means something.
 






USC struggled with Virginia because they were looking ahead to the Gophers.
 

Here are some good ones:

What part of a vegetable is the hardest part to eat?
The wheelchair.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyway.

What's green and says "I am a frog?"
A lying toad.

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders dinner. When the waiter brings the check, the panda suddenly stands up, shoots the waiter, and goes running out the door.
A witness can't help shouting, "How could you do such a thing?!?"
The fleeing animal responds, "I'm a panda. Look it up."
Not knowing what else to do, the witness finds a dictionary and reads:
Panda — an asian mammal that eats shoots and leaves.

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like a gin and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic.
The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear answers, "Born with them, I guess."
 

gophervet said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y54yESyq6Io

Listen to the remix song on the related videos, I think that would be a helluva prior to fourth quarter song.
Click to expand...

Code for that video.

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ADiB-v_8sZw?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ADiB-v_8sZw?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>
 

Apparently I didn't watch the second half of that before posting it.
 

Tim Brewster is a good coach

Michael Carter is a lock down corner

Gary Tinsley is smart off the field

USC is an average team this year (love hearing this one)

The gophers were entertaining against South Dakota

Matt Garin will lead the team in sacks

Theret will lead the team in heart
 

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery near Chetek, WI. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost; and, being a typical man, I didn’t ask for directions.


I finally arrived, an hour late, and saw the funeral director was already gone, and the hearse was nowhere insight. There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down. The vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "Sweet Mother, I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years!"
 


Buck the Fadgers said:
Tim Brewster is a good coach

Michael Carter is a lock down corner

Gary Tinsley is smart off the field

USC is an average team this year (love hearing this one)

The gophers were entertaining against South Dakota

Matt Garin will lead the team in sacks

Theret will lead the team in heart
Click to expand...

ROFLMFAOWSCOOMY! Does John Stewart know that you're doing side gigs?
 

there were some good ones in here and it did indeed help me forget (for a little while) Saturday's disaster.

However, it is amazing how the home-grown humor can actually be the best. I made an official request but this thread ended up being my favorite GH topic in quite some time (thanks to BleedGopher)...

http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/boards/showthread.php?t=20171
 

A priest,a minister, a rabbi, a blond, a cowboy, and an Iowan walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this somekind of joke?"
 



What do you call a musician that just broke up with his girlfriend?

homeless.
 

Two clowns were eating a cannibel. One said to the other, "Don't you think this tastes funny??"
 



Although the your set up is pretty damn funny in and of itself.
 

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