Too Long in the Wasteland
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someone sent me this e-mail that went out to Iowa State alumni. I couldn't resist reading between the lines a little bit...
Dear Cyclone alumni, fans and friends of the University,
MUST BE HARD FORMATTING A NOTE SO IT SHOWS UP PROPERLY ON SOMEONE'S TRS-80 IN A TRAILER PARK
This week, we participated in the Big 12 Conference spring meetings in which a major
MAKE THAT "ONLY"
topic of discussion was potential conference re-alignment.
POTENTIAL REALIGNMENT, CONFERENCE IMPLOSION, WHATEVER
With the immense speculation and media attention given to this issue, we felt it was important for you to hear directly from us.
AS OPPOSED TO READING A BUNCH OF CRAP FROM BLOGGERS.
We believe the Big 12 Conference is the perfect fit for Iowa State University.
TRANSLATION "WE'RE SCARED S-LESS WE'RE GOING TO WIND UP IN THE WAC"
We are committed to our membership in the Big 12,
THAT PUTS YOU IN A DISTINCT MINORITY
and we are optimistic that the conference will remain intact.
WE ALSO BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY
However, we also recognize that the long-term viability of the Big 12 Conference is not in our control - it is in the hands of just a few of our fellow member institutions.
YOU CAN REPLACE EVERYTHING AFTER "JUST" WITH "TEXAS"
Iowa State and several other members of the Big 12 Conference are especially vulnerable under some of the re-alignment scenarios currently circulating, particularly one involving expansion of the Pac-10.
ASK ANYONE IN CALIFORNIA TO NAME A STATE BORDERING IOWA, AND YOU'LL GET ANSWERS LIKE WYOMING, ARKANSAS, OR DELAWARE. OR OMAHA.
We are doing everything in our power to represent the best interests of Iowa State in these discussions,
PUSH SOMEONE OUT OF AN AIRPLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE, AND THEY'LL DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO FLY. IT JUST WON'T BE VERY EFFECTIVE.
but we also are sensitive to the huge uncertainty that has been created and recognize that the situation could evolve in directions that are not aligned with our interests.
TRANSLATION: "WE'RE EFFIN' SCREWED, AND WE KNOW IT". GET READY FOR ROAD TRIPS TO NEW MEXICO
We understand and share your concerns about Iowa State athletics and the Big 12 Conference.
CRAPPING PINEAPPLES WOULD BE A BETTER DESCRIPTION.
We are still optimistic that the Big 12 will remain intact
THE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC WAS OPTIMISTIC THE SHIP WOULD FLOAT, TOO. RIGHT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE IT SANK.
and continue to be one of our nation's premier athletics conferences,
THAT'S ROUNDING UP
but we must be ready to act if that does not prove to be the case.
THEY'RE ALREADY DESIGNING JERSEYS WITH THE MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE LOGO.
We will keep in touch as the situation unfolds, and we appreciate your understanding.
IN OTHER WORDS, PLEASE DON'T FIRE OUR AZZES AFTER WE WIND UP GROVELLING FOR A SPOT IN THE MAC.
Go Cyclones!
Dr. Gregory Geoffroy
President
Jamie Pollard
Director of Athletics
Dear Cyclone alumni, fans and friends of the University,
MUST BE HARD FORMATTING A NOTE SO IT SHOWS UP PROPERLY ON SOMEONE'S TRS-80 IN A TRAILER PARK
This week, we participated in the Big 12 Conference spring meetings in which a major
MAKE THAT "ONLY"
topic of discussion was potential conference re-alignment.
POTENTIAL REALIGNMENT, CONFERENCE IMPLOSION, WHATEVER
With the immense speculation and media attention given to this issue, we felt it was important for you to hear directly from us.
AS OPPOSED TO READING A BUNCH OF CRAP FROM BLOGGERS.
We believe the Big 12 Conference is the perfect fit for Iowa State University.
TRANSLATION "WE'RE SCARED S-LESS WE'RE GOING TO WIND UP IN THE WAC"
We are committed to our membership in the Big 12,
THAT PUTS YOU IN A DISTINCT MINORITY
and we are optimistic that the conference will remain intact.
WE ALSO BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY
However, we also recognize that the long-term viability of the Big 12 Conference is not in our control - it is in the hands of just a few of our fellow member institutions.
YOU CAN REPLACE EVERYTHING AFTER "JUST" WITH "TEXAS"
Iowa State and several other members of the Big 12 Conference are especially vulnerable under some of the re-alignment scenarios currently circulating, particularly one involving expansion of the Pac-10.
ASK ANYONE IN CALIFORNIA TO NAME A STATE BORDERING IOWA, AND YOU'LL GET ANSWERS LIKE WYOMING, ARKANSAS, OR DELAWARE. OR OMAHA.
We are doing everything in our power to represent the best interests of Iowa State in these discussions,
PUSH SOMEONE OUT OF AN AIRPLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE, AND THEY'LL DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO FLY. IT JUST WON'T BE VERY EFFECTIVE.
but we also are sensitive to the huge uncertainty that has been created and recognize that the situation could evolve in directions that are not aligned with our interests.
TRANSLATION: "WE'RE EFFIN' SCREWED, AND WE KNOW IT". GET READY FOR ROAD TRIPS TO NEW MEXICO
We understand and share your concerns about Iowa State athletics and the Big 12 Conference.
CRAPPING PINEAPPLES WOULD BE A BETTER DESCRIPTION.
We are still optimistic that the Big 12 will remain intact
THE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC WAS OPTIMISTIC THE SHIP WOULD FLOAT, TOO. RIGHT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE IT SANK.
and continue to be one of our nation's premier athletics conferences,
THAT'S ROUNDING UP
but we must be ready to act if that does not prove to be the case.
THEY'RE ALREADY DESIGNING JERSEYS WITH THE MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE LOGO.
We will keep in touch as the situation unfolds, and we appreciate your understanding.
IN OTHER WORDS, PLEASE DON'T FIRE OUR AZZES AFTER WE WIND UP GROVELLING FOR A SPOT IN THE MAC.
Go Cyclones!
Dr. Gregory Geoffroy
President
Jamie Pollard
Director of Athletics
