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DetlefWithTheEssenHaus

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Yes, tis I, Detleff Erlichmann once again, proprietor of the Essen Haus in Madison, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Also home of the largest beer steins in the Big 10 Conference. As you know the annual bludgeoning of your University of Minnesota football team at the hands of the Badgers is just a few days away and I have come henceforth of provide a reminder that my family and I request the return of a beer stein of immeasurable value that was swindled out of our establishment nearly a sextet of annums ago.

For you regular readers of this website I feel no need to provide futher detail as to why I request the return of our stein but those of you who want to be steeped in the lore that is The Essen Haus Stein can click here http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/boards/showthread.php?33625-Axe-Week!-That-means-ONE-THING!-Detlef-wants-his-stein-back!&p=455681#post455681

I'll cut to the chase - Grandmother Erlichmann is still alive and thus the curse that she placed upon the University of Minnesota football program is still in existence. Yes, your darling little program has had some fun as of late. Your team won some games early this year and you even got to poke a pig for the past 2 years before that too was taken away in convincing fashion to start the 2012 Big 10 season. We here in Wisconsin heard the guffaws from across the river as the Badgers got beat by Oregon State earlier in the season. That loss doesn't look so bad now, does it? We underestimated the Beaver. Lesson learned - never take a good Beaver for granted.

I keep hearing about the Slab of Bacon of which I know nothing about. I will not tolerate any exchange quid pro quo. The request is easy: return the stein and the curse will be lifted. Then and only then will your genus rodentia be able to think about placing their furry little paws upon the most beautiful green grass of The Rose Bowl.

I am just a barkeep at heart and in order to support my family I am willing to offer a special deal to the few dozen Gopher fans whom will be making the biennial trek to Madison this weekend. So on this coming Friday night I am offering, for one night only, a deal to commemerate our great football leader, Bret Bielema and his bold decision to go for a 2-point conversion when only up 25 points with 4:26 left in the 2010 Battle for the Axe. From 4 to 8pm all beer drinks served in steins will be offered as 2-for-1's. Why get 1 when you can go for 2 according to our fearless coach, right Gopher fans? As an additional homage to Coach Bielema all of our waitstaff will be carrying around cards to help explain to you Gopher fans when it would be most beneficial to get 2 beers versus ordering a single. Hint: It's all the time. HA!

502d550aea4e4.preview-300.jpg

However, there is a caveat to go along with this special. Since it seems your football team is afraid to voluntarily schedule BCS caliber non-conference opponents I do not feel that Gopher fans are worthy of the truly great German beers that usually grace our heirloomed steins so the deal is only good on Wisconsin heritage beers: Miller, Pabst and Schiltz.

Again, return of said stein to my family's establishment by kickoff will abolish my grandmother's curse on your sorry football program. Until then, Today is a Great Day to Be a Badger.
 


For the love of all things maroon and gold, return this damn stein so we can commence with beating these arrogant pricks again!

Return the damn stein!!!!!

Go Gophers!!
 

If the original incident in 2006 had actually taken place during a Gopher weekend, I might believe it.

You keep claiming that the stein disappeared in November 2006. The only problem is that the Axe game that year was conducted on October 14.

Oh well. The facts never got in the way of a good story. Why should they start now.
 

GopherRock said:
If the original incident in 2006 had actually taken place during a Gopher weekend, I might believe it.

You keep claiming that the stein disappeared in November 2006. The only problem is that the Axe game that year was conducted on October 14.

Oh well. The facts never got in the way of a good story. Why should they start now.
Click to expand...

You're ruining it! lol
 


GopherRock said:
If the original incident in 2006 had actually taken place during a Gopher weekend, I might believe it.

You keep claiming that the stein disappeared in November 2006. The only problem is that the Axe game that year was conducted on October 14.

Oh well. The facts never got in the way of a good story. Why should they start now.
Click to expand...

Dear Mr. Erlichmann:

Some sneaky little Gopher snuck in under the radar in November 2006, when no one in the establishment was sober or coherent, and won the damned stein in a dice game of 6-5-4. Our upstanding and outstanding Madison Police Force have fully investigated this incident.

The rumor that it was stolen is a hoax. Mr. Erlichmann, you are just pissed at Grandma E for losing the damn thing in that dice game.

Detleff, if you are not careful, some Gopher Fan's Grandma will enter your establishment and with a hex of her own, will forever turn all present and future beverages of alcohol into vinegar. But not all would be lost, as you could convert your slum bar into a pickle factory.

You have been duly informed on this 16th day of October, in the year of our Lord, 2012.

Sincerely,

Scott Walker, Governor
State of Wisconsin
 

GopherRock said:
If the original incident in 2006 had actually taken place during a Gopher weekend, I might believe it.

You keep claiming that the stein disappeared in November 2006. The only problem is that the Axe game that year was conducted on October 14.

Oh well. The facts never got in the way of a good story. Why should they start now.
Click to expand...

Lemme guess your occupation and residence: Engineer / parent's basement.
 

Dr.Don said:
Dear Mr. Erlichmann:

Some sneaky little Gopher snuck in under the radar in November 2006, when no one in the establishment was sober or coherent, and won the damned stein in a dice game of 6-5-4. Our upstanding and outstanding Madison Police Force have fully investigated this incident.

The rumor that it was stolen is a hoax. Detleff Erlichmann is just pissed at Grandma E for losing the damn thing in that dice game.

Detleff, if you are not careful, some Gopher Fan's Grandma will enter your establishment and with a hex of her own, will forever turn all present and future beverages of alcohol into vinegar. But not all would be lost, as you could convert your slum bar into a pickle factory.

You have been duly informed on this 16th day of October, in the year of our Lord, 2012.

Sincerely,

Scott Walker, Governor
State of Wisconsin
Click to expand...

I knew Scott Walker had to be good for something.
 





DetlefWithTheEssenHaus said:
Since it seems your football team is afraid to voluntarily schedule BCS caliber non-conference opponents
Click to expand...

And Wisconsin is known for their fearless non-conference scheduling?

Find the bacon and return it, and we Gopherholers will personally ensure the stein's return.
 

Dr.Don said:
Engineer??? Which railroad do you work for?
Click to expand...

The railroad that runs right past norman dale's house. In fact, I just found a video clip of what happens when the train rolls by.

 

GopherRock said:
The railroad that runs right past norman dale's house. In fact, I just found a video clip of what happens when the train rolls by.

Click to expand...

Hell, that's the same night train that runs right past Joe Pesci's room in "My Cousin Vinny".
 



Detleff does this mean that you will return the Growler at Town Hall or did you just relinquish the deposit?

Gutter Helmet or Studwell 55 approves this message on the
2:1 Wisconsin heritage beers: Miller, Pabst and Schiltz offer. He and other Gopher fans might even take you up on the offer while in town.
His group may even let you get a look of a picture of the hostage stein. I doubt it will be returned, but if it means the Gophers win this weekend, I VOTE return the Stein remove the curse.
 

Pretty bold words when you consider SIN-BAD has only been playing football since 1992.
 

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