DetlefWithTheEssenHaus
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Yes, Detlef is back, again, for the 2013 edition of what has become an annual GopherHole tradition of beckoning for the return of a most treasured Erlichmann artifact - the stolen Essen Haus 5 liter stein. Pleas, demands, even groveling, kindness, gratitude, offerings of beer, none of these have resulted in the return of The Stein. What you may ask? Read on: http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/bo...lef-wants-his-stein-back!&p=455681#post455681 and http://www.forums.gopherhole.com/bo...-back-with-my-annual-heed&p=587621#post587621
The lore of said stein has grown in magnitude over the years but yet not all know of its significance in why Wisconsin maintains its yearly domination of the Minnesota ground squirrels. Seems to me that the GopherHole.com website has garnered a few new bandwagon fans during the gilded Gophers blessed 4 game winning streak. So I come to this corner of the interwebs, hoping upon hope, that I can cast a wider net and find the Gopher football fan responsible that removed The Stein from the finest bar and restaurant in the Big Ten Conference, the Essen Haus in Madison, Wisconsin.
I'll cut to the chase for all of you wondering: My beloved grandmother Erlichmann, now a witch emeritus, is still living contently back home in Germany's state of Bavaria. The spell she cast still looms over The University of Minnesota football team and will not be removed until The Stein is returned intact to the Erlichmann clan whereby it will be securely showcased at the Essen Haus.
It's a cute story, it really is. A football team loses consecutive games trophy games and in the interim its head coach takes a leave to concentrate on personel health matters. Well, I've seen it before. It was a movie called The Bad News Bears. That's what's in store for your football program: bad news, as the superior mammal in this race from the east is coming to town this Saturday. It really won't matter that your Morris Buttermaker of a coach is sitting up in a climate-controlled booth sipping a Diet Coke so as to better control his emotions. It really won't matter that your coaching staff has been together longer than ZZ Top. It won't matter that the game is being played on TV in front of a national audience in your University's stadiette. IT. JUST. WON'T. MATTER. The Badgers will just roll on. And roll. And roll some more. The Badger ground attack will just physically impose its will upon your undersized defensive team. And the end result will be evident on the scoreboard.
Ease your mind Gopher fans with this bit of insider trading: it is probably too late for The Stein to be returned to its rightful ancestry by this Saturday but if the aforementioned chalice of hops is placed in my family's possession by Thanksgiving 2014 the curse of jaundiced gerbil football by Grandma Erlichmann will be wiped clean and your team may once again move UP to the ranks of mediocrity within the college football spectrum. Until then enjoy seeing the Big Red horde rise from the east, pillage your bars and restaurants, plunder your malls and then drive back to their homes in Woodbury.
Your soon-to-be-Western-Division-Big-10-brother,
Detlef Erlichmann
Any information regarding the whereabouts of The Stein can be emailed to me: [email protected]
The lore of said stein has grown in magnitude over the years but yet not all know of its significance in why Wisconsin maintains its yearly domination of the Minnesota ground squirrels. Seems to me that the GopherHole.com website has garnered a few new bandwagon fans during the gilded Gophers blessed 4 game winning streak. So I come to this corner of the interwebs, hoping upon hope, that I can cast a wider net and find the Gopher football fan responsible that removed The Stein from the finest bar and restaurant in the Big Ten Conference, the Essen Haus in Madison, Wisconsin.
I'll cut to the chase for all of you wondering: My beloved grandmother Erlichmann, now a witch emeritus, is still living contently back home in Germany's state of Bavaria. The spell she cast still looms over The University of Minnesota football team and will not be removed until The Stein is returned intact to the Erlichmann clan whereby it will be securely showcased at the Essen Haus.
It's a cute story, it really is. A football team loses consecutive games trophy games and in the interim its head coach takes a leave to concentrate on personel health matters. Well, I've seen it before. It was a movie called The Bad News Bears. That's what's in store for your football program: bad news, as the superior mammal in this race from the east is coming to town this Saturday. It really won't matter that your Morris Buttermaker of a coach is sitting up in a climate-controlled booth sipping a Diet Coke so as to better control his emotions. It really won't matter that your coaching staff has been together longer than ZZ Top. It won't matter that the game is being played on TV in front of a national audience in your University's stadiette. IT. JUST. WON'T. MATTER. The Badgers will just roll on. And roll. And roll some more. The Badger ground attack will just physically impose its will upon your undersized defensive team. And the end result will be evident on the scoreboard.
Ease your mind Gopher fans with this bit of insider trading: it is probably too late for The Stein to be returned to its rightful ancestry by this Saturday but if the aforementioned chalice of hops is placed in my family's possession by Thanksgiving 2014 the curse of jaundiced gerbil football by Grandma Erlichmann will be wiped clean and your team may once again move UP to the ranks of mediocrity within the college football spectrum. Until then enjoy seeing the Big Red horde rise from the east, pillage your bars and restaurants, plunder your malls and then drive back to their homes in Woodbury.
Your soon-to-be-Western-Division-Big-10-brother,
Detlef Erlichmann
Any information regarding the whereabouts of The Stein can be emailed to me: [email protected]
