Ersery to choose brownies with #2 overall pick?

[mngg11]

Offensive lineman and calorie crushing future NFL draft pick Antoine Ersery believed to be looking to trade up for the traditionally reliable baked good according to a recent mock draft by the overwhelmingly delicious Sunrise Bakery mock draft.

Bavarian creme donut projected to go first overall to gopherhole.com poster highwayman in a stunning leavening; previously projected favorite old-fashioned falls out of the top 10 due to poor performance in gluten assessment. Believed to now be a primary target of gopherhole.com poster PMWinSTP in the mid to late rounds.

"Not enough gluten!" pastry connoisseur aka chonky guy mngg11 was quoted to shout as he ragefully flipped over a large table displaying eclairs, macarons, and other foofy European baked goods which were neither filling, satisfying, nor projected to be picked until the mid to late sixth round. mngg11 was later found snoring in a corner with the remains of a jelly filled donut smeared around his mouth and crumbs of many of his victims spread both on and around his belly.

Following the outburst, several observers were overheard grumbling about the thread being off topic and demanding it be moved to the off topic board, while others clamored for the thread to be deleted entirely. Two posters stated that they placed mngg11 on their ignore list and created a petition for him to be removed from gopherhole.com for satire, a crime against humanity.

A reliable source who wanted to remain anonymous stated that there are serious conversations taking place by site admins about releasing mngg11 from his account, but that obstacles existed due to some nebulous non-explanations related to NIL, contracts, and a desire to prevent him from entering the transfer portal. buckyville.com was approached for comment, but the only sounds heard were the footfalls of transfers fleeing from the wisconsin program and the gnashing of teeth by their fans.

 

[Gophers1992]

I'm just imagining what a mind f it would be to read this after eating a pot brownie.

 

[Ron Johnson Super Fan]

I would’ve traded down and grabbed some zebra cakes.

 

[Ski-U-Ham]

Offensive lineman and calorie crushing future NFL draft pick Antoine Ersery believed to be looking to trade up for the traditionally reliable baked good according to a recent mock draft by the overwhelmingly delicious Sunrise Bakery mock draft.

Bavarian creme donut projected to go first overall to gopherhole.com poster highwayman in a stunning leavening; previously projected favorite old-fashioned falls out of the top 10 due to poor performance in gluten assessment. Believed to now be a primary target of gopherhole.com poster PMWinSTP in the mid to late rounds.

"Not enough gluten!" pastry connoisseur aka chonky guy mngg11 was quoted to shout as he ragefully flipped over a large table displaying eclairs, macarons, and other foofy European baked goods which were neither filling, satisfying, nor projected to be picked until the mid to late sixth round. mngg11 was later found snoring in a corner with the remains of a jelly filled donut smeared around his mouth and crumbs of many of his victims spread both on and around his belly.

Following the outburst, several observers were overheard grumbling about the thread being off topic and demanding it be moved to the off topic board, while others clamored for the thread to be deleted entirely. Two posters stated that they placed mngg11 on their ignore list and created a petition for him to be removed from gopherhole.com for satire, a crime against humanity.

A reliable source who wanted to remain anonymous stated that there are serious conversations taking place by site admins about releasing mngg11 from his account, but that obstacles existed due to some nebulous non-explanations related to NIL, contracts, and a desire to prevent him from entering the transfer portal. buckyville.com was approached for comment, but the only sounds heard were the footfalls of transfers fleeing from the wisconsin program and the gnashing of teeth by their fans.

Someone is going to get a steal if the old fashioned falls out of the first round.

And don't forget about the Title IX implications that come with releasing @mngg11 from their account

 

[Gophers7NatTitlesBadgers0]

I would’ve traded down and grabbed some zebra cakes.

 

[fmlizard]

This is what ChatGPT gave me. Surprisingly funny in spite of some typical factual errors.

Breaking News: Gopher Lineman Aireontae Ersery Shocks the World by Drafting Brownies with the 2nd Overall Pick in 2025 NFL Draft

April 27, 2025 — Kansas City, MO
In a move that left analysts, fans, and his own family scratching their heads, Minnesota Gopher standout lineman Aireontae Ersery made headlines at the 2025 NFL Draft last night—not for being selected, but for his unconventional actions at the podium. With the second overall pick, Ersery walked up, shook hands with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, and announced that he was “drafting a pan of homemade brownies.”

The crowd sat in stunned silence for a moment before erupting in laughter and confusion. “These aren’t just any brownies,” Ersery declared to a mix of cheers and bewildered boos. “They’re Grandma Ersery’s secret-recipe, double-fudge brownies. They’re the real MVPs of my life.”

A Delicious Declaration

The shocking “pick” came after weeks of speculation that Ersery, a projected first-rounder, would be taken by the Arizona Cardinals, who hold the third pick. But instead of expressing gratitude for his football journey, the 6’6”, 325-pound lineman redirected the moment to highlight what he called “the ultimate game-changer.”

“I’ve been pancaking defensive linemen for years,” Ersery said with a smile, holding up the now-legendary brownie pan like it was the Lombardi Trophy. “But this pan? This is what got me through the tough times.”

NFL Reacts

The moment has already been dubbed the “Brownie Draft Incident” on social media. Fans were quick to create memes, including one of Goodell wiping imaginary chocolate from his hands after the handshake.

NFL insiders were left scrambling to clarify Ersery’s draft eligibility, as he was technically not eligible to make a pick himself. The event’s live broadcast cut to a visibly confused Mel Kiper Jr., who muttered, “This is unprecedented… but I respect the strategy. Great linemen are all about priorities.”

Brownies Bigger Than the NFL

While the NFL confirmed Ersery’s official draft status would not be impacted, the brownies became an overnight sensation. Grandma Ersery’s bakery in Kansas City sold out of brownies within hours of the announcement, with lines stretching for blocks.

“He always loved those brownies,” said Grandma Ersery in an interview, wiping a tear. “I never thought they’d be a part of something this big. Maybe I’ll make him a special batch when he’s drafted—by an actual team.”

What’s Next for Ersery?

Despite the detour, scouts say Ersery’s draft stock remains intact. The Arizona Cardinals issued a statement confirming that they still plan to select him, assuming “he doesn’t try to draft a full Thanksgiving dinner next.”

As for the brownies? Rumors are swirling that Ersery plans to auction the pan for charity. “This is just the beginning,” he said in a post-draft interview, holding up the pan with a grin. “Wait until you see what I do with the signing bonus.”

 

[mngg11]

This is what ChatGPT gave me. Surprisingly funny in spite of some typical factual errors.

Breaking News: Gopher Lineman Aireontae Ersery Shocks the World by Drafting Brownies with the 2nd Overall Pick in 2025 NFL Draft

April 27, 2025 — Kansas City, MO
In a move that left analysts, fans, and his own family scratching their heads, Minnesota Gopher standout lineman Aireontae Ersery made headlines at the 2025 NFL Draft last night—not for being selected, but for his unconventional actions at the podium. With the second overall pick, Ersery walked up, shook hands with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, and announced that he was “drafting a pan of homemade brownies.”

The crowd sat in stunned silence for a moment before erupting in laughter and confusion. “These aren’t just any brownies,” Ersery declared to a mix of cheers and bewildered boos. “They’re Grandma Ersery’s secret-recipe, double-fudge brownies. They’re the real MVPs of my life.”

A Delicious Declaration

The shocking “pick” came after weeks of speculation that Ersery, a projected first-rounder, would be taken by the Arizona Cardinals, who hold the third pick. But instead of expressing gratitude for his football journey, the 6’6”, 325-pound lineman redirected the moment to highlight what he called “the ultimate game-changer.”

“I’ve been pancaking defensive linemen for years,” Ersery said with a smile, holding up the now-legendary brownie pan like it was the Lombardi Trophy. “But this pan? This is what got me through the tough times.”

NFL Reacts

The moment has already been dubbed the “Brownie Draft Incident” on social media. Fans were quick to create memes, including one of Goodell wiping imaginary chocolate from his hands after the handshake.

NFL insiders were left scrambling to clarify Ersery’s draft eligibility, as he was technically not eligible to make a pick himself. The event’s live broadcast cut to a visibly confused Mel Kiper Jr., who muttered, “This is unprecedented… but I respect the strategy. Great linemen are all about priorities.”

Brownies Bigger Than the NFL

While the NFL confirmed Ersery’s official draft status would not be impacted, the brownies became an overnight sensation. Grandma Ersery’s bakery in Kansas City sold out of brownies within hours of the announcement, with lines stretching for blocks.

“He always loved those brownies,” said Grandma Ersery in an interview, wiping a tear. “I never thought they’d be a part of something this big. Maybe I’ll make him a special batch when he’s drafted—by an actual team.”

What’s Next for Ersery?

Despite the detour, scouts say Ersery’s draft stock remains intact. The Arizona Cardinals issued a statement confirming that they still plan to select him, assuming “he doesn’t try to draft a full Thanksgiving dinner next.”

As for the brownies? Rumors are swirling that Ersery plans to auction the pan for charity. “This is just the beginning,” he said in a post-draft interview, holding up the pan with a grin. “Wait until you see what I do with the signing bonus.”

That's no fair, I painstakingly wasted an hour of my employer's time composing my post!