Are You Listening, Joel?

[Duluthguy]

Hey Joel, hope you're taking to heart all of the great advice you're getting from this board. In case you've missed it, here's a summary of how to hire the right guy:

1. Resign. You don't get a mulligan for hiring Brewster, so quit. The coaching search will go on just fine without an AD.

2. If you don't believe not having an AD will help, at least get some good advice. However, don't listen to: Dungy - he's got an agenda. The search firm - they helped with Brewster. Boosters - some want Trestman. Mona - he's too busy wiping the drool off of Sid. Sid - he wants Wacker back. (He's forgotten.) Weber - thinks Gopher football means throwing at them.

3. A lower division or FBS coach hasn't proven he can win at a BCS school, so forget that. However, no BCS coach would ever want to come here, so forget them too.

4. Don't hire someone with tons of experience because he's a retread. And, don't hire an up-and-comer because if he wins here he'll bolt for another job.

5. Forget about regional ties, but don't get someone without recruiting connections in this area.

6. Don't get someone with a brief history of success because it may be a fluke, but forget about a proven coach because he'd never come here.

7. Don't hire anyone who has ever flown over Wisconsin or Iowa.

8. Be prepared to spend a lot of money to get the right guy, but remember that the right guy will never come here regardless of the money.

9. Don't hire a Catholic because Kelly is already in trouble at ND and never try to talk a Mormon out of Utah. However, a Jehova Witness guy might be a great recruiter.

10. Forget about a guy at a smaller school that can't pay as much, he'll always hold out for a big time program. And forget about anyone at a big time program. Whoever he might be, posters here have already guaranteed that he'll never come here.

11. Don't hire anyone who runs: A pro offense - too many big ten teams already doing that. The spread - won't work here. The option - can't come back if you fall behind.

12. Always assume that a coach would never change his offensive or defensive philosophy.

13. Forget about anyone who coaches anywhere that it doesn't snow.

Hey, it's starting to make sense how you ended up with Timmy last time.

 

[ruralgopher]

The whole thing seems like paralysis by analysis.

There is a relatively young proven winner at the BCS level who graduates players and would give opposing teams fits with his offense, who also has a history of fielding respectable defenses (top 1/2 in conference).

Hire Mike Leach.

Time for another email I guess.

 

[evegoe]

Easily My Favorite GH Post Ever

Easily my favorite post so far ever...

Hey Joel, hope you're taking to heart all of the great advice you're getting from this board. In case you've missed it, here's a summary of how to hire the right guy:

1. Resign. You don't get a mulligan for hiring Brewster, so quit. The coaching search will go on just fine without an AD.

2. If you don't believe not having an AD will help, at least get some good advice. However, don't listen to: Dungy - he's got an agenda. The search firm - they helped with Brewster. Boosters - some want Trestman. Mona - he's too busy wiping the drool off of Sid. Sid - he wants Wacker back. (He's forgotten.) Weber - thinks Gopher football means throwing at them.

3. A lower division or FBS coach hasn't proven he can win at a BCS school, so forget that. However, no BCS coach would ever want to come here, so forget them too.

4. Don't hire someone with tons of experience because he's a retread. And, don't hire an up-and-comer because if he wins here he'll bolt for another job.

5. Forget about regional ties, but don't get someone without recruiting connections in this area.

6. Don't get someone with a brief history of success because it may be a fluke, but forget about a proven coach because he'd never come here.

7. Don't hire anyone who has ever flown over Wisconsin or Iowa.

8. Be prepared to spend a lot of money to get the right guy, but remember that the right guy will never come here regardless of the money.

9. Don't hire a Catholic because Kelly is already in trouble at ND and never try to talk a Mormon out of Utah. However, a Jehova Witness guy might be a great recruiter.

10. Forget about a guy at a smaller school that can't pay as much, he'll always hold out for a big time program. And forget about anyone at a big time program. Whoever he might be, posters here have already guaranteed that he'll never come here.

11. Don't hire anyone who runs: A pro offense - too many big ten teams already doing that. The spread - won't work here. The option - can't come back if you fall behind.

12. Always assume that a coach would never change his offensive or defensive philosophy.

13. Forget about anyone who coaches anywhere that it doesn't snow.

Hey, it's starting to make sense how you ended up with Timmy last time.

 

[gophmeister]

Brilliant satire.

 

[RodentRampage]

The only solution is to give Brewster a funny hat and a handlebar mustache, and hire him as the "new" coach, under the assumed name of "Tom Brawster".

Seriously, we have a wealth of good candidates. I just hope we don't try to please everyone, and pick someone who isn't right.

 

[howeda7]

Zing. Everyone on this board's been zapped. No one expects Joel Matui to be on here looking for advice. He did make reference to 'keeping score' of his emails on the radio this morning. I hope/pray he was being sarcastic, though I do hope he at least factors in how someone like Trestman would go over like a lead-balloon with the fan-base when he's making his decision.

 

[Iceland12]

Good job, but don't forget:

- Brewster was hired based on his ability to recruit, but we've been told time and again that he did a lousy job recruiting.

- Make sure you tell the next guy about all the wonderful talent that he has awaiting him and how he won't be starting from scratch!

 

[BarnBoy]

Be careful with this satire. For all we know, Maturi is sitting by his computer with this post on-screen taking careful notes.

 

[RodentRampage]

It is unclear just how much or how little talent there is on this team. I think there is more talent than the record would indicate, and that the next coach may have more to work with than we realize. The rankings of Brewster's recruiting classes did slip, but they didn't fall to awful levels.

It's a question of how much of the Gophers woes are do to lack of talent and how much is due to bad coaching? I think a better coach gets more wins out of these players.

 

[Wheaton]

Though some of the points are valid

(Especially the part where posters claim people who know much more about football than us are retards)

but I disagree....

 

[Iceland12]

It is unclear just how much or how little talent there is on this team. I think there is more talent than the record would indicate, and that the next coach may have more to work with than we realize. The rankings of Brewster's recruiting classes did slip, but they didn't fall to awful levels.

It's a question of how much of the Gophers woes are do to lack of talent and how much is due to bad coaching? I think a better coach gets more wins out of these players.

But we've been reading all the geniuses around here for three years now tell us how badly the recruiting has gone. Maybe only in one year did Brewster do a good job. Now we should be telling the new guy it was just bad coaching that's the problem?

Why it's almost as if those geniuses now want to lie to any potential new coach. Nope I'm going with the internet board experts. Brewster and company were not only bad coaches but, as all the yearly comparisons have shown they were abysmal recruiters as well.

Brewster was a bad coach and a lousy recruiter and the talent level will be below anything seen around here in this century. Every possible coach should be told that his rebuilding project will make the rebuilding of Germany after the war look like a picnic.

The internet has spoken!

 

[Too Long in the Wasteland]

It is unclear just how much or how little talent there is on this team. I think there is more talent than the record would indicate, and that the next coach may have more to work with than we realize. The rankings of Brewster's recruiting classes did slip, but they didn't fall to awful levels.

It's a question of how much of the Gophers woes are do to lack of talent and how much is due to bad coaching? I think a better coach gets more wins out of these players.

"talent" (or performance) is a function of athleticism, attitude, and coaching.

I think the athleticism of the current team is better than what Mason left behind, particularly on defense.

The right coaching hire can fix any attitude issues in a hurry. One thing I will credit Brewster (& Horton) for is that the team isn't giving up.

As for coaching, that's where Brewster and his staff was a total fail. Quick, name me one player that's gotten significantly better over the past 3 years??? As Husker mentions in another thread, there is a wealth of athletic talent that got redshirted this year. Hopefully the new coach will put that young talent to use. What remains to be seen, though, is how much the next regime can improve the upperclassmen that have not benefited from any decent coaching since Brewster arrived.